Friday, September 14, 2012

Muffins & Whores


Earlier tonight I was going through old boxes in my basement and I found something that made me shake my head and laugh.  I found these calendars I had saved from 1998 & 2000.  What a flashback.

When I was 15 I got a job at a little muffin shop in the mall.  I worked there for 5 years.  We had an all female staff and our boss was this little grumpy man named Art.  Every Christmas Art would order these weird slutty bathing suit calendars to give to certain customers.   They came in brown paper bags.  Seemingly, to conceal the fact that we were teenage girls giving out bathing suit calendars to weird men in the mall.

HOW FREAKING WEIRD IS THAT????

The more I think about this, the more my mind is blown.  Every year the same guys would come back and request them too.  Art even got our muffin logo stamped on them.   Imagine the corporate office got wind of this?  Geez.  I'm thankful I recognized that this was weird enough I needed to steal a few for keepsakes.

Rest in Peace, Art.  Thanks for the laugh tonight.


Favourite of the Day:  As I type this, I'm watching the episode of Family Guy where Brian the dog sleeps with Lauren Conrad.  It's awesome.  There is a part about Spender and Heidi that made me burst out laughing.  I love this show.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Crushes - 2012

It's time for my annual crush list.  Much to my dismay I did not meet anyone from my 2011 list like I previously thought I would. But that's okay. For 2012 I've got some good ones, obviously, since I have impeccable taste.  Here we go:

Jason Ritter: There is a sweetness about you.  You seem humbled and bashful, but also intelligent and heartfelt.  It's endearing. Your character on Parenthood has a mustache that makes you look like a dirt squirrel, but I realize you have to "act" and I know you'll want to clean up before you sweep me off my feet.  I'm ready.

P.S. Can I watch you shave?  That's so hot.  

Jeremy Sisto: It's very weird that I have a crush on you, considering I fell for you in "Six Feet Under" where your character is bat-shit crazy and you have an incestuous relationship with your sister.  I can't explain it.  But I do know there is something about your voice that drives me wild.  You seem like a man's man.  Messy and carefree, yet strong and in control.  I recently became your friend on twitter.  And by becoming your friend, I mean I follow you.  Twitter is a tricky little devil that makes me think I'm friends with famous people.  Were going to crack up at this at our wedding.  In your speech to me, you'll tell all our friends and family how you 'sealed the deal' by following me back.  They will all laugh while sipping the homemade wine my dad made.  My mom won't laugh though. She doesn't get twitter.  

Aaron Paul - The drug life isn't something I'm into.  But your character has drive and a good work ethic.  What girl doesn't look for that in a man? And what about your sense of loyalty and ability to remain calm in stressful situations?  While I realize that is just your character, I'm confident you possess those qualities in order to act them out so well.  You and those baby blues are peeking into a little window of my heart.  Climb in.   
Dax Sheppard - Oh Dax.  You are a silly and sweet man - just how I like 'em.   I know you're engaged to a really awesome, funny and beautiful girl.  But if she happens to get eaten by one of those sloths she loves, I'll console you.  But not right away.  I don't want to be your rebound.  I'll let you sow some wild oats and get it out of your system.  Then I'll casually cross paths with you.  My awesomeness will emanate off of me and it's a done deal.  I figure we'll spend summers here and I'll head your way during the winter. I'm picturing some waterfront property on St Joe's Island where we'll have huge deck parties.  And a seadoo.  Sound good? 

Zac Brown - You are a bushy-bearded man that I want to cuddle with.  It will probably be at a bonfire.  I'll be cold and you'll lend me your checkered plaid jacket.  Even though you're probably sick of singing because you're on tour all the time,  I bet you pound back a few Bud Light and you're ready to rock.  You don't have to sing your own songs all the time either.  When you're 'off the clock' you can rock out to some Journey or Johnny Cash.  Whatever you'd like.  You could sing Raffi for all I care - I can listen to your voice all day long.  Currently, I have your song "Highway 20 Ride" as my ring tone.  When we get together I'll change it, because well, that's just awkward. 




Note: If you didn't get the reference I made about the sloth, you need to watch this video.  It's really funny.


Favourite of the Day:  It is starting to feel like fall and I love it.  I love the weather, I love the wardrobe, I love the pumpkin-y flavoured things.  PLUS - craft night tomorrow and were making a fall wreath.  Perfect.  

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Stinky Marshmallows.

A few summers back my family was out at camp having a bonfire.  I found the perfect little haven of coals in the fire and went to town creating the PERFECT marshmallow.  I slow-roasted it, spinning it continuously so the entire thing was golden brown and the centre was surely creamy.  I was proud of it.   Jana was standing near by and I wanted to show it to her.

"Jana! Come over here.  I have to show you something." I said.   Then Darienne piped in, to offer her cousin some advice.  "Don't go over there, Jana. It's a trick. She's just going to fart."

While perhaps I should be somewhat ashamed that I somehow trained her to think this, or saddened that when I actually wanted to be serious, she doubted me. But honestly, I'm a little proud.  Proud that she was thinking two steps ahead - and prepared for it.

I laughed when it happened. I'm laughing again now. Happy 10th birthday Darienne.  May you always be thinking two steps ahead.

Darienne, Auntie Sara, Jana. 
Being silly.  Because that's what we do. 





Favourite of the Day:  My sister and I just got back from a movie. (Lawless - good movie!) We brought our 'movie blankets' because it is always cold in the theatre. As we walked out, carrying our matching popcorn patterned blankets, my sister noticed this guy giving us an odd look.  I love it.  The guy was probably just jealous of our genius move. I hope that someday when we are 65 (well, she'll be 72) we'll still be loving the movies, still be carrying our blankets and still be getting looks.