"I am unsure of your concern"

After receiving 8 million emails from one company in a matter of a few days, I hastily hit reply to one and wrote:

"The number of emails you send me is ridiculous.  If I had an ex-boyfriend contact me this much, I'd call the police."

This is their response.  It makes me laugh really hard.  Poor Nikki is "unsure of my concern".  Really?

Favourite of the Day:  Two things. One:  I want to start blogging again.  I miss it.  I hope this is the catalyst.  Secondly:  Today is the anniversary of my birth.  I am reminded of the many amazing people in my life.  I am thankful and very fortunate. Thank you, my friends.

The Tooth Fairy

A few weeks ago I was at camp sleeping on the bottom bunk in a room full of kids.  I was woken up to see my brother-in-law sneaking around with a flashlight, doing his best not to wake anyone up.  He had to make his way across a pile of and blankets, reach over little Owen and find the tooth that Darienne had placed under her pillow.  He quickly snagged the tooth away and replaced it with money, before anyone stirred.   

I laid there secretly smiling in the dark.  Feeling like I had witnessed part of the magic of childhood.  Smiling because I knew Darienne would be excited when she woke up.  (She had ripped out her barely loose tooth at the mere thought of money.  That kid is funny.)   

Then I thought about it further.  The concept of the 'Tooth Fairy' is pretty whacked.  Who invented this. And why? WHY was this necessary? Kids are going to lose teeth regardless, right? But now parents have to pay for it.  And what would the tooth fairy be doing with all these teeth? And needing them badly enough that she is willing to pay for them. Imagining piles and piles of teeth laying around makes my stomach and my brain hurt.  Gross.  Kids wiggling loose teeth is gross.  You know when you're watching America's Funniest Home video's and there is some clever family that came up with a 'funny' way to pull out a tooth? Augh.  I change the channel. 

And what about inflation?  Let's talk about that.  I remember getting quarters for my teeth.  And being pretty happy with that.  I recall hearing the days of twoonies and loonies.  Are we up to $5.00 now? What?  Attention future breeders - start a savings account now. 

I think I've mentioned before that I frequently have dreams about my own teeth.  That they fall out or crack.  They are nightmares actually.  It is so stressful and I panic every time, waking up feeling exhausted. 

It's safe to say we can add 'loose teeth' to things that freak me out.  Yet another quirk to add to my ever growing list.  

  

Favourite of the Day:   Someone put a dead shark on the subway in NY city today.  Passerbys took pictures of it with cigarettes in its mouth.  Dead sharks aren't funny.  Except that they totally are when they are on the subway. During shark week.  Discovery Channel had to make a statement that they were not involved.  That's hilarious. 

The News Years Post...in June.

Bartending was one of the things on my bucket list and what do you know, I've got connections to some bar owners.  While this is 6 months late, it's a little shout out to my friend Claudia who let me ring in 2013 crossing this item off my list.

Thankfully, the bar crowd at The Roadhouse isn't the type to demand daiquiri's and martini's.  Cracking some beer, pouring some draft and a few rounds of shots was right up my alley.

I loved it!  Give me a few more shifts and I'll be tossing up bottles a la Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

Favourite of the Day: The simple life.  Laughter.  Relaxing.  No drama.  Being thankful and aware that I have this. 

Revelations

Last week I pulled up to a stop light behind a transport full of cows.  Big brown magnificent looking cows. They peered at me through the tiny slits with their beautiful doe eyes. One of them looked right at me.  That's right - we made eye contact.

The sun was shining that day so it was probably gross hot inside considering how many of them were jammed in there.  Just imagine all the poo.  And pee, now that I think about it.  Actually - how was that thing not like a giant slip and slide?  The truck makes a sharp right turn and its just a pissy cow stew in there.  Anyway, I thought about how the cows can't even talk to each other, so it's not like they can even whine or complain to make themselves feel better...or play road trip games.  No - they have to spend hours and hours standing in silence, sweating and basking in their own filth.  PLUS they have no idea they are on a journey to their own demise.

I know what you're thinking - this must have been a REALLY long stop light.  It wasn't.  My thoughts just fly around my brain like a water soaked Gremlin. 

When that cows eye caught mine I decided right then and there I was going to be a vegetarian.  I thought of trucks full of pigs and chickens.  Maybe a goat or two.  Even though I don't eat goat.  Still.  Sad, right? 

In those few minutes it took me to get home I decided I better learn to like chick peas and join some kind of chic hummus club.  I'm sure that exists, right?  

When I got home I sat on the couch to hang out with my friend's in Genoa City.  I was hungry by the end and decided I should venture to the kitchen to create myself a delicious meal.  I stood in front of the fridge for a few moments.  I pondered my options and quickly settled on steak.  

The irony was not lost on me. 

But you guys know how delicious cows are, right?  

Don't even get me started on bacon. 

This One is Serious. Seriously.

Today I share my story in case there is someone out there who feels like they are fighting the battle alone. When I went through this I felt very alone and lost. Though the more I spoke of it the more I realized how common my struggle was.  There is strength in numbers.

I had my first panic attack during a presentation in University. It blindsided me.  Up until that point in my life I had no issue with public speaking and had never really experienced feeling nervous. The class was "Speech 101" and we were being evaluated on our delivery and body language.  Each speech was videotaped and we had to meet with the professor privately to watch the tape and go over our evaluation.  Imagine that - I experienced something so awful and then had to re-live it AND be graded on it.  Fun times.

From that day forward I grew paranoid and weary it would happen again. Going to class brought on a constant state of anxiety.  Mentally I was a paranoid wreck and physically I was a mess.  My stomach was constantly in knots.  Then the anxiety grew beyond my schooling and into my every day life.  I suddenly wasn't able to accomplish simple everyday tasks.  I remember not being able to do daily errands like go to the bank or pharmacy. I remember having panic attacks in the waiting room at the dentist. There were at least two times I missed a doctors appointment because I couldn't make myself walk into the building.  I drove there and sat in the parking lot and cried because I couldn't make myself get out of the car.  Once my mom was with me and she had to go inside and tell them I wouldn't be at my appointment.

Friends and family struggled to understand this battle I was going through.  Those who know my personality know that I am quite outgoing and far from shy.  It did not make sense.  I couldn't explain it or understand it myself. I constantly felt sick.

Soon I was off to Riverview to meet with a psychiatrist.  Then I started seeing a therapist.  Then I was put on anti-anxiety medication.  Adjusting to the medication brought on a 2nd battle.  I wasn't able to eat or sleep.  Let me tell you - if you really want to think you are losing your mind - don't sleep for a few days.  Insomnia made me feel like a full blown lunatic.  My dad took some time off work and took me out to camp to see if I could relax and finally eat and sleep.  I could not.  I was assured this was normal and my body just had to adjust to the medication.  Eventually it did but man - I would not wish that on anyone.

Over time I stopped having panic attacks and the anxious feeling in me subsided.  But it was, without question, the worst and most difficult period of my life.  I was lucky.  It was short lived.  I know there are many people who spend their lives feeling this way all the time. I am forever grateful for making it over this hurdle.  And while I no longer struggle with anxiety, I do feel that it still lives in a dark corner inside of me.  I worry it will one day emerge again.  I have yet to confront my fear of public speaking since that awful day in school.  Since then I have been the maid of honour at two weddings and I skipped saying a speech at both of them.  For those dear friends of mine I really wanted to say a speech.  But I couldn't. That hurts my heart. I was asked to MC a wedding for other close friends of mine but after an awful panic attack, I backed out the night before the wedding. (Thank you Steve for talking me through that, for bailing me out and for comforting me and thank you Andre and Claudia for being so understanding.)  I guess anxiety doesn't ever truly go away. It lurks in the shadows it seems. When faced with fight or flight, I chose flight.  I hate that about myself.

Maybe some day I will face it head on.  Maybe some day I will win.

There are so many people fighting so many battles.  In all shapes, sizes, forms and colours.  It is different for all of us.

I hope someday we all win.




Favourite of the Day:  Bell Canada committed to donating $0.05 to this cause for every text or long distance call made today.  As of midnight, the tally was over 88 million.

Bah Hum Bug

I am happy that day to day life has resumed and the holiday hoopla (that's right...hoopla) have passed us by.  I'm a bit of a Grinch about Christmas.  I have no reason to be.  But I am.  Here is one thing that made me un-Grinch-y and put a fat ol' smile on my face. 

This is the house across the street from my friend's Chrissy and Mike's house: 

This is Chrissy and Mike's house: 

Seriously awesome. 

Favourite of the Day:  Seeing Anna's boy's walking on their own.  Motoring around the house with smiles from ear to ear. I saw a video of this over the holiday season. A friendly little reminder that the greatest gifts cannot be bought.  

Random Thought

Am I the only one who thinks massages are weird? 

Hello Stranger.  I don't know you but let me take off all my clothes and then you can rub me.  Then I'll pay you for it.

No thanks. Never say never but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I will never get a massage.  Not anytime soon, that's for sure.

Something equally weird: Hot Tubs. 

Hey Friends. Want to have a giant bath together? We can soak in eachother's dirt and grossness.  Sounds fun! 

Not going to lie though - I love me some hot tubs.  

To summarize, while both are equally weird, one is disgusting and one is awesome. 

I never claimed to make sense.

They Do!

I went to a wedding two weeks ago.  It was a beautiful, might I say, perfect wedding.  The champagne, the hors d'oeuvres's, the meal, the decor, the music, the speeches, the dancing....everything was absolutely amazing.  The room was full of a love you could feel.  From the happy couple extending to all the guests.  I loved it.

The only thing not present at this wedding was a white dress. Some might use the word non-traditional or alternative to describe the wedding. But it was nothing of the sort. Love is a hard thing to find.  So regardless of where your jiggly parts are - when you find it - hold on tight and never let go. I couldn't be happier to live in a place that recognizes and acknowledges this.  

True north strong and free. Canada, you are a great place to call home.  

Congratulations and warm wishes to Jason and Jake!!

In the Event of a Tie

 

A few weeks ago I played in our annual local women's hockey tournament.  I've posted the tournament rules above. Note the highlighted area of the Tie-Breaking Procedures. I laughed so hard when I read that.  A dance off?  In hockey equipment?  On the ice? It would be the grandest finale of all time. 

Nothing would have made me happier than to participate in that.  However, my team lost every game of the tournament and even if there were a tie, it would never get to that point.  But a girl can dream, right? 

Kudos to the tournament organizers for being hilarious. 




Favourite of the Day:  My house is being painted today! I can't wait to get home to see the changes.  Also, dinner at Indo China Gardens last night means Indo China Gardens leftovers for lunch today.

Boobservations

I have worn this dress twice in my life.  

Note that both times I spilled my drink in the exact same spot. 

I don't know about you but I think that's pretty awesome.