Punk'd - without the pleasure of Ashton

Seeing as today is April Fools Day, I thought I'd share the best trick anyone ever played on me. It happened about 6 years ago.   

One day I got to work and logged on to my computer to check my email, as I always did.  I saw an email marked "urgent" which was unusual.  It was from a name I'd never seen before.  I opened the email and my heart started to race.  It was from a man named Ugo in the "Audit and Investigations Department". The email read something like this: 

"From time to time we do random audits of employees internet usage.  A recent report shows that yours is excessively high.  I've arranged a meeting in my office with you and your Supervisor at 11:00am to discuss further." 

My heart was pounding and I almost threw up.  I showed my friend Jacqui who's worked at the company for over 20 years.  I asked her if she'd ever heard of this happening before and she said no.   It was only 8:00am, so I still had to wait 3 hours for this meeting.   My Supervisor at this time was a man named Pete.  We had a great, easy going relationship and he was someone I felt I could talk too.  I immediately went to him and nervously asked him if he had checked his emails yet.  He said he had and he saw that I was panicking.  I asked him if this had happened to him before.  He said no and assumed it was a new technology recently put into place.  I had worked the day before, which was a holiday.  Holidays are very quiet and the day goes by slowly. I truly had spent the entire day on the internet.  I told Pete this.  He told me to calm down, relax and that he would help me through the meeting.  

After three awful hours of built up anxiety it was time to go.  On the elevator down I made Pete PROMISE not to leave my side.  To sit beside me through the meeting and be there every step of the way.  He promised he would.  

We got to Ugo's office and I was a total wreck.  We sat down and I faced this man I had never seen before.  He was all business.  Immediately, Pete got up and left.  I stared at him leaving like a deer looking into the headlights of a transport - frozen and about to get creamed. 

Ugo then said "As you know, we are here to discuss your internet usage".  I nod in agreement. He says he noted I frequently visited 'www.cbs.com'.  I stuttered and explained that it was because I was part of a 'Survivor Pool' and I was following the show.  He then said "Before we continue, I need to give you this".  He handed me an envelope.  I opened it.  It contained well over $100 dollars.  I stared blankly at it and waited for him to continue.  

I then noticed Pete on the floor, on his hands and knees outside the door.   He was trying to hold it in but he had the belly laugh going.  You know the laugh that empowers your entire body? Ugo then looked at me and said "Congratulations! You won the Survivor Pool.  These are your winnings". 

Then Pete let out the laughs he'd been holding in, which then turned to tears.  I was still waiting for the other axe to fall.  I was thinking, 'okay, I won the pool.  Let's move on and get this over with'.  Ugo burst out laughing too.  They were waiting for me to laugh but I still hadn't figured it out.  Pete then told me "that was it...there was no internet audit".     

It took me awhile to comprehend that this was a joke.  I didn't know how to react.  I was waiting to laugh or to cry.  All I knew is I was more relieved than I can explain.  Ugo told me he felt bad playing this trick on me, as he didn't know me.  But Pete convinced him I had a good sense of humour and I could handle it.  

Here's how the story unfolded.  I was part of a large 'Survivor Pool' ran by a guy I'd never met who worked at our local college.  Somehow this pool made its way around our staff and many of us signed up. I guess at the very end, when he determined I'd won, he didn't know how to get me the money.  It turns out he knew Ugo.  Ugo then approached Pete to find out who I was to give me the money. And that's how this scheme was born.

I have vowed to someday get Pete back equally as good.  I've yet to plot my revenge.  But kudos to him.  I can appreciate the effort and the humour.  He got me -  more than I've ever been 'gotten' in my life. 

Blackberry...Blackshmerry

I've noticed a new trend at work lately and I'm not impressed with it.   It's a new footnote written at the bottom of emails.  It goes something like this: 

"Apologies for any grammatical errors as this message was created using my Blackberry Handheld"  

Here's what that message says to me: 

"I'm sorry I'm in a rush and I'm not taking time to review my email or pay attention to grammar.  Your email does not mean enough for me to stop and take time to make sure I respond in a professional manner" 

OR

"I rely heavily on spellcheck.  Too heavily in fact.  I use spell check to hide my short comings"

(haha  I just said short comings)  

I vented and now I feel better.  

Favourite of the Day: 

Today I had lunch with a friend I don't see often enough.  Which I enjoyed.  Plus, she made homemade pizza that had spinach, roasted red peppers, turkey and ricotta cheese on it.  It was good. 

Livin' in a Hockey Town

Yesterday was the first Tuesday in a long time that I have not had to go to the rink. Our hockey season ended on Saturday. Though we didn't advance in the playoffs and our team ended in last place, our girls learned a lot throughout the year and I loved this team. From the beginning of the year to the end we were two different teams. I've coached more successful teams in the past, as far as standings go but I've never coached a more successful team off the ice. These girls got along so well and we had supportive parents, which is a huge relief. I would much rather lose with this team than win with a more challenging team.

My friend Dana and I have coached together for the past 7 years. Each year we learn more and figure out what works for us and what doesn't. I'm confident we get better and better as each year goes by. We've watched so many girls grow and develop as athletes and grow and develop as people. I like seeing them years later and remembering the days when they looked like Bambi on ice.

I was happy that this year, for the first time, I had the opportunity to coach my niece Ryea. I watched her start the season as a shy little girl who sat quietly in the corner by herself. By the end of the year she had come out of her shell. She would do things and say things and I felt like I was in a time warp, looking back at myself in 1989. She made friends on the team and turned in a goofy girl just having fun. I loved watching her make that transition.

Over the years, coaching has taught us a lot. We've faced many road blocks. We've learned to deal with critical parents, girls who are bullies and coaches of the other teams who make the season harder than it has to be.

Here are just some of the things we've learned along the way:

(1) At a very intense point of a game, when you've called a time-out to talk game strategy, it is important for a kid to tell you that you have the same watch as her mom.

(2) Kids are NOT afraid to tell you things their parents have said about you. My favorite sentence starts with "My dad thinks you...." Great. Tell your dad I said "Thanks for the tip"

(3) Kids know the lyrics to a lot of songs. Even songs they shouldn't. Ever hear 15 little girls singing 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'? It's disturbing.

(4) It's not illogical for a kid to leave a game to pee. Even if it's the goalie - in the middle of a tournament.

(5) If a tennis ball inadvertently ends up on the ice during a game, a girl will stop dead in her tracks to return it to the stands. Because that is more important than the game in play.

(6) If you plan a whole practice to teach kids how to rebound, your very first step should be to explain what a rebound is. Don't assume they know what it is.

(7) If you ask a player "what they want to be" in reference to defense or forward, you should specify that. Otherwise the answer you will get is "a teacher".

(8) The BEST part of going on a tournament out of town has nothing to do with hockey. Pure joy is running around a hotel with your friends. Nothing beats this.

(9) I had no idea how cool Highschool Musical was. Now that I've heard all the songs and seen a few dance routines, I'm starting to understand.

(10) In all seriousness, I have learned real life lessons here. These kids accepted their losses at the end of the game. They tried their best and moved on. They didn't dwell and they weren't negative. They didn't let repeated losses get to them. They came to the rink ready to play and gave 100%. They skated their hearts out and never gave up.

In February we drove to a small town about an hour away. This team was 'out of our league' as far as skills go. They beat us 14-0. By about the 9th goal I was getting frustrated. I was feeling bad for the girls and worried they would get down on themselves. But they never did. They just kept trying each time they got on the ice. When the final buzzer rang they skated to the goalie cheering and screaming and jumped on her. I think partially because they were trying to cheer her up and partially for their simple love of the game.

Overall, hockey was something they wanted to do together as a team. They had fun and didn't care about the score. It was an experience they shared together. Each and every game. I know a few adults who could learn a thing or two from these kids.

I am sad to see the season end. I will miss the girls and can only hope to have such a great team next year.

"Oh, the good ole hockey game, it's the best game you can name.

And the best game you can name is the good ole hockey game!!"

-Stompin Tom

Signs of Spring

Spring is not quite here but it is definitely getting closer, I can feel it. Is it the sounds of birds chirping? The grass peeking through the patches of snow that give it away?  No, not quite. How about the things that nature reveals as the snow melts?  It was a beautiful sunny day today and the sun worked some magic to remind me of something I "may" have forgotten to get rid of last fall.....

Pie anyone? 

Favourite of the Day: 

Since I had to get up at 5:30am and work all day, it's hard to think of a favourite.  However, I discovered that reading the personal ads on "Craigs List" is both a fantastic way to pass time AND highly entertaining.  i.e. "To the girl on the train wearing a green jacket with one shoelace undone; you were way too fidgety and had extreme facial gestures.  When I went to get off the train I stopped and looked back.  You were looking at me.  I should have said hi"  Wow, true love right there.  

They call her "Brown". I call her Wonderful.

I am kind of a meathead when it comes to losing things. I lose things A LOT. And forget things. Everywhere. My mom has always said to me "you'd lose your head if it weren't attached". (She'd also always say 'You'd get dirty in a white room' And I would).

The past few months I've been beyond lucky. I can't even explain it. Twice I've lost my cell phone and both times it was returned to me. But what happened to me this weekend goes beyond luck and is a fresh reminder of how good people can be. It's enlightening.

I was playing hockey in a tournament in a town two hours away. My friend Kellie and I were driving there on Friday night. We stopped on our way there to grab a sandwich from Tim Horton's. We paid for our food and we were back on the road. We later arrived at our hotel to drop off our bags and go to the rink. Upon entering the rink I discovered I had no wallet. I figured I must have left it at the hotel - even though I had no recollection, or even reason to have touched my wallet while there I figured I was just me being me. After our game Kellie and I went out to look in the car. We didn't find it. We went back to the hotel and I calmly assumed it would be there. We didn't find it there either. I started to panic slightly. Kellie panicked more than I did. We decided to go back to the rink to search through the parking lot. By then the parking lot was jam packed, very dark and it was snowing pretty hard. We went into the arena to see if anyone had turned it in. We spoke to a woman collecting money at the door. We explained the situation and told her I must have dropped it in the parking lot. She gave us flashlights and we went walking through the parking again. No luck. Kelly thought I may have accidentally thrown it away while discarding our Tim Horton's garbage. We went through the garbage cans too. No luck.

So we went back to the hotel and I called to cancel my credit cards. Then I bid a silent farewell to the $160.00 cash I had in it. Besides the fact that I would have to order all new identification and bank cards, I was also quite annoyed that I would have to rely on other people to pay for me for the remainder of the weekend. Everyone was sympathetic and helpful and offered me money without hesitation, but I still felt like an idiot.

The next day we went back to the rink for our second game. There was sign posted on the front door "for the girl who lost her wallet". I was elated. I found the tournament convener and he had it with him. I asked who found it because I wanted to thank them. He told me it was a woman who worked in the kitchen. I asked her name and he told me "they call her Brown". When I found her I realized it was the same woman who was working the door the previous night. She said she knew my wallet must have been in the parking lot buried in the snow. She left her house early to ensure she arrived before any other cars. She then went through the whole parking lot and snow banks until she found it. I was so touched that this perfect stranger went out of her way for me. I didn't know how to show her my gratitude. I offered her money in return and she politely declined. She didn't seem to think it was a big deal.

I did.

Later that day I was touched again after talking to one of the guys I had met who played for one of the mens teams. He knew we had stopped at the Tim Horton's on the highway the previous day. That day, he was driving past the same place so he decided to stop and look there for me as well.

Two people I've never met. How amazing is that???

I was so convinced that someone had found it, stolen the cash and got rid of it. Well bite my tongue for jumping to conclusions. Because there are some good people out there. Even when you least expect it.

My team didn't win the tournament. We didn't even win a game. But we had a great weekend together. And I won in other ways.

Spooning n' such

You know how sometimes when you get very little sleep and you get to that tired point where things that would normally make you just smile a little make you laugh really hard and if someone saw you laugh that hard you'd be embarrassed because it wasn't THAT funny, but still a little funny? That's where I'm at with this hippo thing.

Also, a sympton of the drunk-tired is writing run-on sentences. Game. Set. Match.

Goodnight.

Favourite of the Day: Waking up with Cocoa in my bed. She was all stretched out, perfectly square on her back with all four paws up in the air. I am dog-sitting her right now and she's a great dog. A black lab. I like sleeping with her in my bed. It reminds of me of waking up with Steve in my bed. He might have been the coolest cat to ever exist.

Rest in Peace little man - I miss you.

Captain Negative

Tonight I am feeling crappy.  For no particular reason.  Just a generalized feeling of sad, lonely and crappy all mixed together.  I think this happens to everyone once in awhile, right? I was looking forward to tonight because Thursday is t.v night and I am actually off.  Also, I was curious to find out about Izzy's cancer situation. But adding another crap-factor to my night - everything is a repeat. Since I am Captain Negative right now I feel the need to vent about some stupid things going on in t.v land right now.  My friend Mike and I like to share with each other the things that 'grind our gears'. The following two would make my list. 

(1) Hells Kitchen.  Tonight I watched this show for the first time.  It blew my mind.  That head chef guy is obnoxious.  His method of yelling and insulting is embarrassing and inappropriate.   

It makes me question how people think using scare tactics is an effective way of teaching. There were so many things wrong with this I can't even believe this is on television.  I have personally experienced this form of 'teaching' and it changed who I am as a person.  It happened to me as a student in University. From a now retired professor who I will resent forever. He induced an anxiety disorder in me that almost caused me to drop out of school.  I then changed my major and it effectively changed the direction of my entire life. However I have no regrets because I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Through the ordeal I overcame a lot and learned a lot.  But I still resent him for using his power and authority to belittle and humiliate people.  Whoa.  This just got deep.  Damn you Hells Kitchen.  

(2) Moving on to my second beef of the night:  The Bachelor.  Another form of embarrassment and public humility.  The Bachelor himself could be considered a genius (using that term loosely). But lets think about this.  One guy, looking for love, gets a roomful of beautiful women longing to fall in love with him.  Even though they've never met him.  And he gets to take his pick. But only after given the opportunity to date them all.  He then gets to propose without having to pay for the ring.  Genius, I tell you.  

But the women?  WHO goes on this show???  They are like lions salivating for meat.  Literally. They go on group dates.  And they are okay with this.  They know the other women have sleepovers.  Then they go on their own sleepover the next night.  I'm guessing they aren't having pillow fights during these sleepovers.  Then the camera crews go into their homes and involve their families.  So instead of humiliating only yourself, you get to involve your whole family. Awesome. 

Then comes the final two.  Two women are in 'love' and pretty confident they are loved back. Ya - so loved they risk getting publicly dumped on national television in front of millions of people.  Ladies - Give your head a shake.  

That's the end of my venting for today.  Now I need to rise above the darkness of my living room that currently resembles a bat cave.  I need to not watch stupid reality shows.  What I really need to do is tune in to the episode of 30 Rock that is on right now.  Because Liz Lemon, Tracy Jordan,  Jack Donaghy and even Kenneth are plenty reason for me to snap out of this funk.  

Here's to hoping I wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow. 

Oh, by the way - starting today I am adding a new feature to my blog.  I wanted to have my own 'thing'.  A trademark.  A tradition.  Inspired by a combination of my good friend Natasha, Oprah and my aforementioned friend Mike - I will end each blog with my "Favourite of the Day".  A way for me to reflect and remember the good of that particular day.  So, without further adieu, here is my first: 

Favourite of the Day: Today when I walked into my friend Amy's house, her baby saw me and shook with excitement and made his happy "O" face.  I love when babies reach the age where they start to recognize you.  It warms my heart. 

Buffalo Randomness

Today's Random Thought:

Why is it when you had BBQ sauce to chicken, the flavour suddenly turns to "buffalo"?????

Judge Judy

I judge people. So do you. If you say you don't, you're lying.

Here are two examples of when I judge people: On elevators & on "Drop Offs"

Let me explain:

Elevators: I work in a big building with a large number of people. Riding the elevator occurs many times daily. I enjoy the men that get all old-school and let all the women on first. And off first. It's chivalry at it's finest and I like it.

Drop Offs: If you are driving me home, do you let me out of the car and drive away? Or do you wait to ensure I get in the house safely? Because I am paying attention to this. Just so you know.

I think for both these examples I do not think less of the people who don't do these things. But I guess you could say I think more of the people who do.

Please share with me YOUR judging ways. I'm curious to know.

Live! - from the Airport

As I sit here alone in the airport with two hours to kill before my flight, I look in front of me at an empty chair in the waiting area.  I think of how many thousands and thousands of people have sat in that chair and what their stories entail.  

Airports are fascinating places.  People from all walks of life cross my path right now.  I like to people watch.  I like to imagine where they are coming from and where they are going.  

I think of a few memorable times in my life I've been waiting in a chair like this and I smile. The first flight I ever took I was with my dad. He took my sister and I on a father/daughter trip. We went to Toronto for the weekend.  He took us to see Phantom of the Opera and to museums...etc.  He mistakenly took us to a Pink Floyd laser show.  Little did he know it would be filled with young college kids all higher than kites.  Not quite the place he wanted to take his two daughters.  I didn't realize it at the time, but he and my sister did.  It's funny to look back at that now.  

My next flight, at the age of 15, was with with my friend Natalie.  We went on a Caribbean Cruise and I don't recall ever being more excited for anything in my entire life.  Ever.  The anticipation of getting to Miami to board that ship was almost too much for us to handle. 

I think of the time, four years ago, I flew to Florida with my friend Leslie (who I am meeting up with in Vegas tonight).  I lied to my parents about where we stayed that trip and I've still never told them the truth.  You know when you see those flyers for vacations that are ridiculously cheap?  They claim you will stay in five star resorts for virtually no money? Well my dad warned me over and over "if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is".  I was adamant I knew what I was doing and he was wrong.  But boy was he right. But I would not tell him that.  When we got there it really was a scam and we had to scramble to find places to stay. But I went home and told my dad the resort was "beautiful".  In the end it worked out anyway. Eventually we rented a car, left Orlando and had one of the best days I can ever remember. Riding on the back of a Harley all day long.  A day of sunshine, smelling the ocean and not having a care in the world.  It was amazing. 

So here I sit again, about to embark on a new adventure.  I look ahead of me now and wonder what everyone else here is doing. Someone going to meet a long lost friend? Internet lovers meeting for the first time? Attending a funeral? Celebrating a birth? Adopting a baby? A medical appointment to bring sad news? happy news? A business trip?  A "business trip" that is actually a secret affair? A simple vacation for a family to share? A random adventure with no plan in mind (the best kind)? A brand new start?  Or an end to the past?

So many possibilities.