A back-seat glance

Oliver loves Spiderman.

I love Oliver.

Never say Never

I write this from a hotel room. I'm chaperoning a sleepover with a bunch of 12 and 13 year old girls. Surprisingly, they've been asleep since 1am. I was sure I was going to be up all night with them. Their non-stop texting and social networking mastery opened my eyes to how different their 12 year old existence is to my own.

They showed me something that made me laugh and laugh. Check it out:

HE HAS HIS OWN LINE OF FREAKING NAIL POLISH???!!!!!

Completely absurd or absolute genius?

It's called the "One Less Lonely Girl" Collection. If you saw the names of the different colours, you just might pee your pants. When I laughed at this tonight, they were quick to defend him. How dare I mock this boy! Silly me.

Serenity Now

Sunshine. Sand. Wind. Water. Kites. Kids. Dogs. Family.

And most importantly, my mom.

Today could not have been a better day.

You hear that? It's the sound of bliss.

(Well, minus the squawking seagulls).

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommy's I know.

Huge hugs to Amanda who delivered baby Katelyn this morning at 8:48am.

What a perfect gift to you.

To my cousin Andrea - first time mom who just welcomed baby Reed:

I cannot wait to meet him!!

Special shout out to Erin and Heidi - who will be first time moms very soon!

My Fake, I mean Real Crushes III

Hard to believe I'm doing my third annual list of crushes. In the past I discussed my Fake Crushes - being that the people were fictitious characters. I'm going to switch it up a bit this year. I'm swaying from my usual television realm and entering the world of music (mostly). Acoustic music, apparently. I'm going with some real people here, generating my real hopes of someday sobbing at their deathbed, fingers intertwined, tears gingerly cascading down my cheeks, thanking them for a lifetime of memories. Yes I know some of these people are married. Dream big people. Or maybe just don't crap on mine. Here we go:


Damien Rice: Oh you, with your scruffy beard and Irish accent. I don't know who the Blower's Daughter is, or what a Blower even is. I don't care really. Just come to Canada. We'll eat maple syrup and build snowmen and throw snow at each other and laugh. Then we'll have hot chocolate in front of the fire place. (I don't actually have a fire place, but if you come here I'll get one).








Ben Harper: You know when you sing 'Forever' you melt every girl in the world, right? Did you know that? Also, I'm generally not a fan of covering large areas of your body with tattoos, but I have to say - you're an exception. Because you and that guitar of yours are pretty exceptional. I've heard through the grapevine that you've split from Laura Dern. I'm a good listener Ben, if you ever need to talk. Or kiss. Or cuddle. Or love me. Whatever you need.




Adam Sandler: A movie star? Yes. A comedian? Yes. My teen idol? Yes. But the Adam I write about today is the one who sings "I Want to Grow Old With You". Who wouldn't want someone to tell them they would make them smile when they are sad? Get them medicine when their tummy aches or put them to bed when they've had too much to drink? I'll even settle for someone to steal this song and sing it to me. But should it be possible, let's just set the record straight - Adam, I want to grow old with you.

Jack Johnson: Oh Jackie boy, don't tell the others but you are my favourite. I've seen you twice in concert, but third time's a charm right? Perhaps our chance meeting will soon be in the cards. Well, no. Honestly, that's a lie. At the last concert, you sang "My Little Girl" about your daughter and well, I don't want to be a home wrecker. You sang about that dang wife of yours too. I'll admit that I crush on you enough to let you be happy with the whole 'family' thing you've got going. Love your wife and your kids like you do, you sexy man. Sigh.

And last, but not least, Mr Daniel Tosh.

Who saw him amongst these guys right? He doesn't play guitar and sing in a sultry, sexy voice, I know. But he cracks me up. I love his facial expressions and comedic timing. His sexuality is up in the air. If you've watched Tosh.0, you know what I'm talking about. Gay or straight, Mr Tosh, I still want you in my life. You're clearly quite clever and obviously funny. My kind of guy. If it turns out you prefer the sausage to the taco, can we be roommates?

In looking at my last two crush lists, I noticed something pretty interesting. In 2009 I listed Ben Covington (Scott Speedman), then in 2010 I listed Billy Abbott (Billy Miller). BOTH of these actors came to town this year. What are the chances of that?? Coming here, to this dinky little town in the middle of now where. Coincidence? Perhaps. But lets all cross our fingers that someone from my 2011 list will be coming this way.

Favourite of the Day: I don't want to list anything as my favourite today. But that defeats the purpose of me finding the good. So I will..... Um. My laundry pile is diminishing. I'm happy and thankful I live in a town that gives me access to buy American gas. There. Not one, but two. Au revoir and bon soir.

Random Flashback

One time my sister and I were in the car when the song "How Bizarre" came on the radio. We were both singing along. During the chorus when they say "How bizarre How bizarre" I turned to look at her because I heard her singing "Papa's On Papa's On".

HAHAHA.

That is all.





P.S. There is a website dedicated to misheard lyrics. It's called "Kiss This Guy"

P.P.S I know she is going to comment with a rebuttal about the time I watched the move "The People vs Larry Flynt. And that's fine. This is still funnier.

That's What She Said

It was Michael Scott's last episode on "The Office" tonight. Though I feel the chemistry of the entire show was on the decline (It's because Jim and Pam finally got together) I was sad to see Steve Carrell leave the show. I think Michael Scott was one of the best characters created in sitcom history. The show has made me laugh time after time and I will miss him.

Favourite of the Day: I spent a nice afternooon with my little buddy Ollie. His giggle lights up a room.

And also: La-Z-Boys.

Reading Rainbow - April 2011

I just finished this book and I loved it. I love memoirs and this one is a must read. Consider yourself forewarned that it is heavy and dark. It covers death, rape, drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, homelessness, gangs, abuse......everything. It is completely raw and honest.

One woman experienced this all and came out of it a lawyer. A freakin lawyer!! Unreal. If this doesn't inspire people that they can change their lives - nothing will.

Cupcake Brown (yes, her real name) is also a motivational speaker. You can read more about her on her website.

But really - just read the book. K?




Favourite of the Day: This is my new nephew Oscar.
He is a 4 month old Australian Sheperd. How cute is he?

Oh Boy

Recently, I inappropriately used the term 'balls' (yes, those balls) in front of 3 year old Damian. Not 5 minutes later does he say it, of course. Thankfully, his quick-thinking mother convinced him I was talking about soccer balls.

It was the reminder I needed that kids are listening to you, even when you don't think they are.

This made me think of something hilarious my niece said years ago. Avery had (and still has) a really long tongue. My sister made jokes about this. So really, we should not have been the least bit surprised when Avery told a complete stranger that she was Gene Simmons love child.

This still makes me laugh so hard my belly shakes.

Avery & I at a rodeo in Michigan, showing off our Snow Cone tongues.

Can this be the next Oscar winning film?

I think I've found my calling. Finding awesome news articles. As a follow up to the vagical tale I last discovered, I just found this one about a swan finding love after a drunk guy murdered his girlfriend.

I felt like I was part of a skit on SNL or Kids in the Hall when I read this. The fact that someone beat a swan to death is not funny. At all. But a swan love story kind of is.

Perhaps it's just the way the article is written that amuses me. The references to the tag numbers on their legs. The fact that these swans have names like "Lacey, Angela and Nick" and that someone is monitoring them and who they date. Above all, it simply reminds of me of Adam Sandler making swan references on my beloved Billy Madison, circa 1996.

Also, I would like to know more about this drunk guy on a bender. Imagine waking up in the morning and realizing you murdered a swan? Frig. What the hell is wrong with people?

All jokes aside, I am happy Nick and Lacey found each other. May their days in the barnyard be filled with love and happiness.

Check it out:

Swan finds love after drunk man killed mate
By Laura Cudworth, QMI Agency

STRATFORD, Ontario. -- After losing his mate and offspring to a young man on a bender last season, it looks as though Nick the swan might be on his way to finding love again.

Nick lost his mate Angela and offspring last season when a young man on a bender killed Angela and destroyed her eggs. Nick spent the rest of the summer swimming near the nest and keeping to himself.

A young female, leg band number 543, followed him around but Nick wasn't feeling very social.

"He chased her over the dam," said swan volunteer June Kinsman.

Then another female, number 529, followed him and attempted to get close.

"He was having none of it. He chased her over the dam," Kinsman said.

Finally, a young female known as Lacey followed but kept her distance.

"She followed him all autumn and in the barn yard,"Kinsman said.

Over the weekend they busted out of the winter quarters and made their way down to the Avon River.

The winter quarters are close quarters and as spring approaches instincts to mate kick in and the cobs can get feisty.

"We have at least five mating pairs in the winter quarters and things are getting really aggressive in there," said Quin Malott, manager of forestry and parks.

Nick and Lacey can't fly but a five-foot wingspan and a bit of wind is enough to lift them over the fence, especially when they're being chased by another swan.

"They have been courting so we're going to leave them out there. There's a lot of open water and we're going to feed them," Malott said.

Nick has led Lacey back to the area of the old nesting site but no one knows what might come of it.

Regardless, watching him connect with another swan is encouraging and shows it's possible to get back up after a sad event, Malott suggested.

"It's a happy ending to a tragic story."






Favourite of the Day: My new iPhone. It's simply amazing. I tweeted to @SomethingGirl yesterday: "I want to make sweet sweet love to it" She replied "I'm sure there's an app for that". No doubt there is.

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This Conversation Never Gets Old:

Me: Ma, Turn on your cell phone. I can never get a hold of you.

My Mother: I know, I know. But it has no juice. I keep forgetting to give it a boost.

Avery: Nana - It's called CHARGING.

My Mother: Charge. Juice. Boost. Whatever. It's all the same thing.


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