The Plague

Last night I went grocery shopping at 12:30am. As I was walking by the fancy cheeses, this big fat spider ran in front of me. He was creepy and I was too chicken to kill him so I just ignored him.

A few minutes later, right near the pears, the little bugger showed up again. My mind started to wander. I was sure he was some type of exotic African spider who had arrived at the store hiding between bananas. I figured he was probably poisonous and was going to lay eggs all over everyone's produce. Yes, I know he couldn't lay eggs, he obviously left his wife napping in the bananas while he went for a midnight snack. I knew I had to do something.

The store was deserted so no one else would get him. I was grossed out by the thought of squishing him. So I put on my McGyver thinking cap and ran over to the olive cart. I took one of the clear plastic containers and ran back to trap him. For being a poisonous African spider, he certainly wasn't very fast. I trapped him with very little effort.

....and I left him there. I decided to just carry on grocery shopping and pretend that didn't happen. I figured a floor cleaner would find him and deal with the situation.


Later, as I was checking out, I watched a man walk in, see the container on the floor, stop and stare at it for minute then keep on walking. This made me laugh pretty hard. I decided to fess up to the cashier. I told the guy I trapped a spider in the produce section and they had to take care of it. I explained the situation. As I pushed my cart out I heard this conversation:

Guy Cashier: I'm just heading over to produce for a minute. I have to find a spider a customer trapped over there. I'll be back in a sec.
Girl Cashier: What?
Guy Cashier: You heard me.
Girl Cashier: Man. The things that happen here during night shift are so weird.

Weird my ass lady. I probably just saved you from the plague of the Crazy African Spiders.

This is the actual spider. I took this picture on my phone and

showed it to the cashier.

Taking the High Road

A few years ago my niece Darienne asked me why men marry other men. Like the mature, responsible adult I am, I told her it was because some people live in really small towns and they run out of women.

For you, board.

Early this morning as I lie in bed, I remembered it was my friend Brianne's birthday today.

It made me smile.

There are so many stories in my life that involve Bri that make me laugh. So many. Probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life stars her as the main character. I'm going to share it (with her permission) in hopes that this isn't one of those 'had to be there' moments. I'm pretty confident it isn't.

Years ago, our hockey team was traveling to North Bay for a tournament. We had rented a van for the road trip and we all piled in. Some of us may have been drinking. Some of us may have been drunk. Requiring many pee breaks along the way, we stopped at the Tim Hortons/Wendy's in Espanola. For those who have been there, you know this is the busiest place on the planet. It was a Friday night around supper time and the place was jammed with people. Families and children everywhere.

I was in the bathroom with Bri and a few other teammates. (the twins and Betty). Sitting there on the toilet, one of the twins (I can't remember which one) said to me "Get ready.....when I say go, get ready to run, k?". I had no idea why, but obviously I said yes. Just then Twin reached under the stall, grabbed Bri's pants and ripped them out from under her feet and yelled "Go". Then we all bolted. We ran back to the van and showed the rest of the girls we had Bri's pants. We all laughed our heads off. Though it was never discussed, I'm sure the plan was to make her sit in there and sweat it out, but eventually we would bring her pants back.

I don't know how long we waited and if we lost track of time, but suddenly someone saw it. We looked up and saw Bri walking through the busy restaurant. In a t-shirt and undies. I don't think I will ever forget this. (Excuse me while I laugh for a bit). What is even funnier, is that she didn't run - she walked. Perhaps not to call attention to herself? HA.

Later than night Bri almost got us kicked out of the hotel. After the guy at the front desk helped an old lady carry luggage to her car, he came back in to see Bri at the front desk answering the phone "Travelodge, Brianne speaking".

Oh Bri. You are so funny. What a good weekend that was.

That was only slightly better than the time she got these girls in Elliot Lake to chase her through the hotel for stealing their door signs. And almost as funny as the time she got stuck in the water slide. It was almost as good when she jammed her fingers in that wedding cake. Or operation cork screw....but not quite.

Regardless of the situation Bri is involved in, it always proves for a laugh and I'm happy I've gotten to be around for many good times with her. It makes me miss our road trips. I think it's time we plan another one.

Cheers to you on your birthday, Bri-Dog. Thanks for all the laughs.

Favourite of the Day: I went to the new restaurant on Queen Street called Embers. It was delicious. Highly recommended!

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"It's a passion that brings us all together"

As a new hockey season debuts, I went back to find my favourite commercial ever. Hater or Lover of #87 - you know this commercial is awesome. You just might be too proud to admit it.




Speaking of Sid the kid, this concussion business has to stop. It's not right. A summer full of tragedies has plagued the hockey world. Put a stop to something that can be controlled to prevent a lifetime of brain injury on people at least. K?



RIP to former local OHL player Josef Vasicek and his Russian teammates. Some things are just too sad to even comprehend.


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Just Call me Columbo

I've solved a crime. Check out the news article I read:

3,000 pairs of panties found along highway By QMI Agency

Cops were stunned to discover thousands of pairs of panties strewn alongside a highway in Fairfield County, Ohio, on Thursday.

"I came up and I looked for myself, and after I got here I couldn't believe what I was seeing," deputy sheriff Gary Hummel told KSPR news.

The underwear -- 3,000 pairs, some clean and some used -- were found in four locations along the highway near Berne Township, piled along the embankments and hanging from trees.

They appeared to have been dumped out of plastic shopping bags from local grocery and department stores.

It took police two hours to pack the panties into 10 garbage bags, which are now taking up all the space in their evidence storage room.

"We just can't figure out where that many underwear would have come from and who would have disposed of them," said Jim Carmichael, a Berne Township trustee.

I read this and laughed. It's hilarious. But then I stopped. Because a light switch went off in my head. If you're a follower, you should have the same feeling in your gut. You know who did this too. C'mon. Is it not obvious? Who likes to party in the bush with his friends and bags of panties? Ya - that's right. IT'S HIM.

Someone call the authorities.





Favourite of the Day: Babies, Babies n Babies! Glad I got to visit with Alden, Aurora, Finnley and Daxton! (and Damian...but he's not a baby)

Puppy Love

Is it possible to look at these and not smile? These are the best dog moments I have ever seen captured. Pure happiness. I love these pictures so much.

98% of the time it doesn't bother me that I don't have a dog. Then I see pictures like these and I remember how amazing dogs are. I KNOW my life would be more complete with a furry friend in my life.

I wait for the day when I work regular hours and have a fenced in back yard. I won't get a dog until I can offer it the lifestyle it deserves. But when that day comes? I am going to be a kick-ass dog momma.

(Thanks to Deb and Andrea for letting me steal your dog pics! They made me happy.)

Favourite of the Day: "The Help". Go see it. Good movie.

Eat, Drink and Be Married.

When my friend Julie got engaged at Christmas, we excitedly started talking 'wedding' talk. She asked me to make her wedding cake and I didn't hesitate to accept. Of course I can make her wedding cake! That would be SO much fun!! We had both dipped into more than a few glasses of wine by this point. About 3.4 seconds after this conversation took place I forgot about it.

Have I ever made a wedding cake? Nope. Do I know how to make a wedding cake? Nope. Give me a few drinks and I might tell you I can build a house too.

Spring came along and Julie asked me how the cake plans were coming. Doh!! The conversation came flooding back. I told her I would still go ahead and do it. After all, I had taken a couple of cake decorating classes. My basic round birthday cakes would be ample experience for this, right? That is when the anxiety started. What if it was hideous? What if it was disgusting? I felt too much pressure.

In July I talked it over with Julie. I suggested that I buy her cake instead, as my wedding gift. This would take the organizing off of her and the stress off of me. She agreed. Phew.

Jeannette's Custom Cakes to the rescue! Though I had never met Jeannette, I had been good friend's with her husband when we were teens and had been following her new cake business since it started. She is incredibly talented and I love all of her cakes. I was excited when I contacted her and she had Julie's wedding date available.

The wedding was this past weekend. A beautiful wedding, a beautiful bride and of course, a beautiful cake!! Big thanks to Jeannette. Big congrats to Julie and Joel too!!

Fingers crossed I never make another booze fueled decision. Lesson learned.

Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Icing. Yum.

(Seriously guys, check her out...there is also a link on the right side of your screen listed under "I also read...")

Favourite of the Day: I'm expanding my palatte this week, like a real grown up. I ate Sushi. SUSHI. Can you believe that? AND I liked it. I still can't get over it. I also ate Gorgonzola Gnocchi's and they were fabulous. What? I don't eat cream sauce on pasta. Or do I? ; )

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Deep Thoughts

Do what you need to do when you
need to do it
so you can do what you want to do when
you want to do it.

I saw this posted on a sign in Jimmy John's when me and Les were away. I've had it stuck in my brain since. Brilliance. My Jiminy Cricket has been trying to tell me this for about 30 years. Stop procrastinating, you idiot.

By the way, Jimmy John's is the coolest place ever. Get on this train, Canada. If I had money, I would buy this franchise in a heartbeat. Screw you, Subway.






Favourite of the Day: When asked about the theory of life and evolution the other day, Jayme replied that we were the Flintstones turning into the Jetson's. She also incorporated Ewok's into her response. Best answer ever.

Follow Up: Poop Soup

Poop Soup.

Gross right? Try living in it.

Country Thunder lived up to its name. Our first night there it thundered. It lightninged. It rained. For 12 straight hours:

After the rain, all of the nice little dirt roads between the rows of campsites quickly turned to deep, thick, squishy mud paths. As the temperature quickly rose to extreme heat, the mud turned to poop soup. It turns out the field we were camping in was previously a cornfield. A cornfield filled with manure. We spent four days in this poopfest and it smelled delightful.

Every day we made our trek from our campsite to the concert area and back. We took off our shoes, journeyed through the ankle deep sludge and crossed our fingers that we weren't amongst the many to wind up face first in the dungtastic mess. The rain continued every single night, so it never had a chance to dry up. Though yes, it was gross, it was also hilarious. At times the mud was very skating rink-like. We saw many drunk people flopping around in it like fish out of water. Considering neither Leslie nor I have the grace of ballerinas, I'm quite proud neither of us fell.

The great news is the mud did not diminish our spirits. The music was amazing and we had a great trip. I've been to many different places with Leslie and I am happy we can add this to our list of adventures together.

If you're wondering about the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - yes, they did play Fishing in the Dark. So no need to worry about throwing crap. In fact, the only worry was showering since that is exactly what we smelled like.

Favourite of the Day: Fireflies. In Wisconsin there were fireflies everywhere and I loved it. I feel like they are a little bit magical.

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'Baby Get Ready'

Remember two years ago when I wrote about Fishing in the Dark?

Guess who I'm going to see this week????? That's right. And if the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band doesn't play that song I'm going to riot and throw crap at them. Not literal crap. But you know, stuff. Okay probably not. I'll probably politely walk away and come back home and whine about it. That's more my style.

While I'm there, I'm also going to check out this line up:

• Darius Rucker
• Martina McBride
• Sara Evans
• Josh Turner
• Rascall Flatts
• Lady Antebellum
• Zac Brown Band
• Steel Magnolia
• Sawyer Brown

And a few others......

Try to contain your jealousy....(or mockery if you don't like country). Cross your fingers I don't sweat to my own death in this heat wave. Sunscreen and water packed and ready.

Summer Vacation officially starts now. I'm off to Wisconsin for Country Thunder. Pictures to follow!!

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Favourite of the Day: Tonight my mother made me laugh when she walked by the TV when "The Night Garden" was on and said "I think those people are on acid".