The Plague

Last night I went grocery shopping at 12:30am. As I was walking by the fancy cheeses, this big fat spider ran in front of me. He was creepy and I was too chicken to kill him so I just ignored him.

A few minutes later, right near the pears, the little bugger showed up again. My mind started to wander. I was sure he was some type of exotic African spider who had arrived at the store hiding between bananas. I figured he was probably poisonous and was going to lay eggs all over everyone's produce. Yes, I know he couldn't lay eggs, he obviously left his wife napping in the bananas while he went for a midnight snack. I knew I had to do something.

The store was deserted so no one else would get him. I was grossed out by the thought of squishing him. So I put on my McGyver thinking cap and ran over to the olive cart. I took one of the clear plastic containers and ran back to trap him. For being a poisonous African spider, he certainly wasn't very fast. I trapped him with very little effort.

....and I left him there. I decided to just carry on grocery shopping and pretend that didn't happen. I figured a floor cleaner would find him and deal with the situation.


Later, as I was checking out, I watched a man walk in, see the container on the floor, stop and stare at it for minute then keep on walking. This made me laugh pretty hard. I decided to fess up to the cashier. I told the guy I trapped a spider in the produce section and they had to take care of it. I explained the situation. As I pushed my cart out I heard this conversation:

Guy Cashier: I'm just heading over to produce for a minute. I have to find a spider a customer trapped over there. I'll be back in a sec.
Girl Cashier: What?
Guy Cashier: You heard me.
Girl Cashier: Man. The things that happen here during night shift are so weird.

Weird my ass lady. I probably just saved you from the plague of the Crazy African Spiders.

This is the actual spider. I took this picture on my phone and

showed it to the cashier.

Taking the High Road

A few years ago my niece Darienne asked me why men marry other men. Like the mature, responsible adult I am, I told her it was because some people live in really small towns and they run out of women.

For you, board.

Early this morning as I lie in bed, I remembered it was my friend Brianne's birthday today.

It made me smile.

There are so many stories in my life that involve Bri that make me laugh. So many. Probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life stars her as the main character. I'm going to share it (with her permission) in hopes that this isn't one of those 'had to be there' moments. I'm pretty confident it isn't.

Years ago, our hockey team was traveling to North Bay for a tournament. We had rented a van for the road trip and we all piled in. Some of us may have been drinking. Some of us may have been drunk. Requiring many pee breaks along the way, we stopped at the Tim Hortons/Wendy's in Espanola. For those who have been there, you know this is the busiest place on the planet. It was a Friday night around supper time and the place was jammed with people. Families and children everywhere.

I was in the bathroom with Bri and a few other teammates. (the twins and Betty). Sitting there on the toilet, one of the twins (I can't remember which one) said to me "Get ready.....when I say go, get ready to run, k?". I had no idea why, but obviously I said yes. Just then Twin reached under the stall, grabbed Bri's pants and ripped them out from under her feet and yelled "Go". Then we all bolted. We ran back to the van and showed the rest of the girls we had Bri's pants. We all laughed our heads off. Though it was never discussed, I'm sure the plan was to make her sit in there and sweat it out, but eventually we would bring her pants back.

I don't know how long we waited and if we lost track of time, but suddenly someone saw it. We looked up and saw Bri walking through the busy restaurant. In a t-shirt and undies. I don't think I will ever forget this. (Excuse me while I laugh for a bit). What is even funnier, is that she didn't run - she walked. Perhaps not to call attention to herself? HA.

Later than night Bri almost got us kicked out of the hotel. After the guy at the front desk helped an old lady carry luggage to her car, he came back in to see Bri at the front desk answering the phone "Travelodge, Brianne speaking".

Oh Bri. You are so funny. What a good weekend that was.

That was only slightly better than the time she got these girls in Elliot Lake to chase her through the hotel for stealing their door signs. And almost as funny as the time she got stuck in the water slide. It was almost as good when she jammed her fingers in that wedding cake. Or operation cork screw....but not quite.

Regardless of the situation Bri is involved in, it always proves for a laugh and I'm happy I've gotten to be around for many good times with her. It makes me miss our road trips. I think it's time we plan another one.

Cheers to you on your birthday, Bri-Dog. Thanks for all the laughs.

Favourite of the Day: I went to the new restaurant on Queen Street called Embers. It was delicious. Highly recommended!

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