This Conversation Never Gets Old:

Me: Ma, Turn on your cell phone. I can never get a hold of you.

My Mother: I know, I know. But it has no juice. I keep forgetting to give it a boost.

Avery: Nana - It's called CHARGING.

My Mother: Charge. Juice. Boost. Whatever. It's all the same thing.


.

Items to Note....

(1) I really like comments. Good or bad. Disagree or agree. They excite me. There's even an option to be anonymous for all you shy birds out there. Just wanted you all to know that. K?

(2) I added an option to subscribe. You can click the link over there on the right and get email notifications of new posts. I have no idea if anyone would actually want this, but I'm just playing around on here. I'll give it a go, test the waters.

(3) I also added a link to the left. It lists the book I'm currently reading. I hope it encourages discussion. Do you like that book, hate it? Let me know.

I'll take Perspective for $200, Alex.

I had a terrible day today. Actually - it's still going. Still terrible.

When I lost a friend awhile back, I promised myself I would appreciate the small things.

Tonight I watched Jeopardy with my Grandma. That shouldn't go unnoticed. And it hasn't.

This is me, being optimistic.

A Vagical Tale

I cannot stop laughing. I am very tired and giddy. There is a blizzard outside and I'm avoiding putting the garbage out. Let me tell ya - I am a wicked procrastinator and it allowed me to stumble upon the news article below.

I would propose this woman get a lesser sentence in light of the fact that she has a magical vagina. Which, at this exact moment allowed me to invent the word "vagical".

Read the article below - then I shall discuss afterwards:
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

March 20, 2011
Woman hides heroin, cash in vagina

A Pennsylvania woman who crashed her car after burglarizing a local inn had a sizable stash of drugs and cash hidden in her vagina.

According to a report in the Scranton Times-Tribune, police were called to the scene of a car crash on March 13 where Karin Mackaliunas was arrested for suspicion of theft.

During a search, police found three bags of heroin in her jacket. While police escorted the woman to the station, officers noticed her fidgeting in the back seat.

She then told police that she had hidden more drugs in her vagina.

A doctor who performed a search removed: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, eight prescription pills and $51.22 in cash and change.

Mackaliunas was charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of possession of a controlled substance.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I have many thoughts about this:

1) How did she get all that in there? You think she had help?

2) Do you think she was walking funny?

3) With all that stuff jammed in there, she decides THAT would be a good time to burglarize a local inn? What on earth goes on in Pennsylvannia?

4) I really like the use of the word "sizable" in the article. It was a 'sizable' amount of drugs.

5) Since this was posted in the Scranton times, I sincerely hope this gets referenced on 'The Office'. By Meredith, obviously.

6) Was the $0.22 necessary? She couldn't just take the cash and leave two dimes and two pennies behind?

7) Do you think you get a discount on heroin if it came from the lady garden? I should hope so. Or maybe it's actually the opposite and there's a mark up in price.

Okay, I'm talking pure nonsense now. I need to go to bed. Oh - one more thing - like a creepy person, I just looked up this woman on Facebook. Found her profile. You can see her profile picture. By just looking at her face, you'd never guess she was vagical.

Update

Last night the 'guy from the yellow team' I previously mentioned got yet another penalty. This time, however, he calmly exited and shut the door with the grace of mother trying not to wake a baby.

I smiled. Did he read my blog or was it my condescending glare?

By the end of the game I knew it was neither, but I will say he made me laugh out loud when he replied to a guy who said "you're in the box AGAIN?" with this:

"Well, what do you expect when you have refs who squat to piss."



*note: Both refs were male

.

The Ketchup Junkie

I have never met either of my Grandfathers. They both passed away either before or just after I was born. I don't know the exact dates to be honest. I had a great uncle who took over the grandfather role in my life. He was my Uncle Lindo and he was awesome. He took us for rides on his motorcycle. He would pinch our cheeks and say "bella bella" and sneak us money every time he saw us. He always gave my brother more money than my sister and I because 'he was a boy'. He was old-school Italian and that's just the way it was. It still makes us laugh.

In his final years, he lost his marbles a bit. He would go to the mall every day and steal stuff. Not actual merchandise and he was by no means a criminal, but he stole things like napkins, straws, little packets of honey. He was a condiment hoarder. When we would visit we would see piles and piles of his food court treasures and he was more than happy to share them with us.

Where am I going with this? Well, this morning my sister and her husband left for Cuba. Awhile back I told her that when I went to Cuba, two things were noticeably absent from their cuisine; ketchup and peanut butter. While they did have some sort of disgusting ketchup imported from China, it was no Heinz, that's for sure. She is a ketchup junkie and I knew she would miss it as much, if not more than I did.

A few days ago I got this email from her:

"I went to McDonalds for lunch today so I could get some more ketchup packets. I have 14 now. I'll go one more time this week to get a few more. That should last me a week in Cuba. Now I just need to go somewhere for breakfast so I can get some peanut butter....."

I told her how much that made me laugh and she replied: "I know. How very Uncle Lindo of me".

No doubt. I bet he's doing cartwheels in heaven right now.



.

2 Minutes for Over Analyzing

I previously confessed to judging people. Last night I thought of yet another way in which I judge. It relates to getting penalties in hockey. Now, I would be the pot calling the kettle black if I judged people for actually getting penalties - I'm not. I'm judging people on whether or not they shut the door at the end of a penalty.

I know that sounds absurd*. But I think it says a lot about one's mentality. Some people get out of the box, quickly pull the door shut and skate away. Some people carefully shut the door then double check its security to ensure it's safely closed. Then there are the people that leave the door wide open and skate away. (These are the ones I'm judging). They don't give a second thought to it. Someone else's problem. Someone else will take care of it. I would say 99.9% of the time - these are the same goon's screaming at the ref's and yelling obscenities to the guys on the other team.

I'm not a gambler but I would bet money that these are the same guys who put empty milk cartons back in the fridge and leave the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom.

(Ya, guy on the yellow team - I'm talking about you.)



*Please keep in mind I spend many hours in the booth by myself.


Favourite of the Day: Marcie Runkel. She is hilarious.

Back to the Future

If Alexa stole your heart a few weeks back, check her out here singing Alicia Key's song, Unthinkable.

I can't get enough of this kid.

If you're thinking "why does Sara keep posting these videos? Enough already".... get off my blog. I don't want you here. Just kidding. No wait - I'm not. Get outta here.



Favourite of the Day: Banana Cheesecake Recipes. If I wrote this blog tomorrow, my favourite would be making banana cheesecakes. But I'm not Marty McFly, so this will have to do for now.