Roy and his Monkey

After eight months of living with me, Roy finally made a friend. I have no details surrounding this mystery friend but I do know he or she existed because they came to pick him up once. The friend and Roy were going to go hunting for fossils. I don't know what they were looking for or why but Roy was so excited for it and I was quite happy for him. I knew he was looking forward to this day for a long time.

Upon his return I enthusiastically asked him how his day was. He told me it was fantastic. I asked if he found any fossils. He told me he had. Then his excitement level rose as he revealed his big surprise.

(This may not be exactly how the conversation went, but it is pretty close)

Roy (barely containing his excitement): I saw a monkey!

Me (annoyed): No, you didn't.

Roy: Yes I did!!

Me: No - you didn't.

Roy (his level of excitement decreasing): Why are you saying that?

Me (still annoyed) : Because we don't have monkeys here. You did not see a monkey.

Roy: Yes I did.

Me: No you didn't.

Roy: It was in a tree.

Me: No it wasn't.

Roy: Are you saying I don't know what a monkey is?

Me: That's exactly what I'm saying. You clearly do not know what a monkey is.


Roy: Well, I took a picture of it and I will prove it to you.


Me: Good. I look forward to you proving me I'm wrong.

So, that was the end of that conversation. Roy was going to get his pictures developed and show me the monkey.

But shortly after that he moved back to China and we both forgot about it. We never discussed the incident again.

A few months later I went and checked my mail. I was fully expecting my usual boring bills but was delighted to find a letter from my old friend Roy. I slowly opened the envelope but was surprised to see no letter inside. I did however find one photo. When I removed the photo from the envelope the back was facing me. I read the words "here is the monkey I saw".

I turned the photo around, anxious to see what I'd find. Of course, we all know it wasn't a monkey.

But I sure wasn't expecting to find a picture of a porcupine.

(not the actual picture, but I don't have a scanner and can't show you the real one)

Fishing in the Dark

Fishing in the Dark
By the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

I love this song.  A lot. It's on my "shower" playlist on my iPod - which consists of songs that I sing to myself in the shower while pretending I'm starring in my own concert. If this were a real concert no one would go.  The songs on this playlist differ greatly in genre and theme. There is no flow.  It's for me and me only.  

So anyway - we played this song the other night when we went fishing in the dark.  I wasn't falling in love with anyone but it was still fitting.   Because really, how often do you actually fish in the dark? 

Fishing makes me think of three things: 

-Going up north to Wawa on fishing trips with my dad, uncles, brother, sister and cousins when I was a kid

-standing out on the Dock at McCarrell's Lake.  My dad and I wrapping balls of foil on the end of a fishing line and casting out into the moonlit sky to attract bats.  Then they would swoop around us as the foil reflected the light of the moon. 

-paddling in a canoe for countless hours on Lake Midgen with Emmlia and her Dad.  I had mosquito bitten, swollen eyes and a bad sun burn as we fished and followed a beaver aimlessly around the Lake, for a reason I don't seem to remember

All three of these things make me smile.  

Random Thought

Do animals know when they're pregnant? 

Not a Pauly Shore movie, just my life

I got summoned for Jury Duty. This should be interesting considering the way things tend to happen when I'm a character in the plot. Apparently they choose you based on your look. What will that mean for me? Maybe I should dress like a lunatic and hoard cats in my purse.

It makes me think of that scene in Devil's Advocate when Keanu Reeves pegs every member on his jury just by their clothes and body language. What? You don't remember that part? Oh right - I'm the only person who has watched that movie 86 times. I really love that movie. Vanity is my favourite sin. Okay, I'll stop now. Since no one got that joke anyway.

And of course, I also love the wit of Curb Your Enthusiasm and the idiocy of Larry David. Which is why it cracks me up in this 'jury duty' video when he says "well, my cousin once stole an Almond Joy from me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MFebZlUJ7E

HOW do they think of this stuff?

I go to the court house on May 4th. Unless I get sequestered, I will share my experience on here. If I don't show up with cats in my purse, I will show up with an Almond Joy in my purse. And hope that someone steals it.

Favourite of the Day: I raked my yard today.  I actually hate raking. But I'm happy I got it done. I'm happy it's sunny and warm.  I'm happy 98% of the snow is gone. I'm happy it was a new Office today too. Which included a funny cheer leading reference from 'Bring it On' which, you guessed it - made me happy too. 

Roy - Chapter 1

This week I was pleasantly surprised to find I had received an email from my friend Roy. I've wanted to blog about Roy for quite some time, but I honestly had no idea where to begin. There are SO many good stories involving him and our time together. I could probabaly write a book actually. I've decided to simply start with how he came to be a chapter in my life.

Let's go back to April of 2006 (maybe 2005?). I decided I wanted to bring in some extra cash by renting a room to a University student. In my mind, this was a great idea. I wanted a person who would be there for the school year only, who may go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas etc. Ideally, I wanted a male who was studious and wouldn't destroy my house hosting any type of frat-themed party. I went to the University and put up a posting.

Months went by and I didn't hear anything.

Then one day in August I was enjoying a quiet morning on my couch watching The Young and the Restless when I got a phone call. It was a guy telling me he was calling about the room I had for rent. I was caught off guard for two reasons; one - I had forgot about that posting and two - he had a strange accent, which briefly sounded Australian and I had some fantasies of Cane Ashby showing up at my house (sorry, had to make a Y&R reference there).

This guy explained to me he was an exchange student from China who had just spent a year in Ireland and was now transferring to the University in my town. The strange Aussie accent was in actuality, a Chinese/Irish mix. Anyway, he said he was looking for a place to live and asked if he could come over right away. Right away? I really wasn't ready but I said okay. He said he'd be at my house in a few minutes. So instead of thinking about what I should do when he arrived, I frantically began to clean.

Sure enough, a few minutes later he arrived. He started walking around my house and I got insanely nervous. I had no idea what I was doing or what I should say. He told me he wanted to move in. I thought I should ask him for references. Sure, he had references - IN CHINA. I asked him if he wanted to look at a few other places in town and then decide. Nope, no need - he liked my house. Okay. My head was spinning and I was thinking "say something smart, do something smart, handle this sitaution" But I said nothing. I did nothing. He said he had all his stuff in his car. So - he went outside and got it and carried it inside. And moved in. Just like that.

In less than five minutes I went from watching mindless television to living with a stranger from China.

He told me he hadn't slept or showered since he arrived in Canada. He asked if he could have a shower and take a nap. Why not? Could my day get any weirder? Five minutes after he moved in, he was in my shower.

I'm embarrassed writing this. I sound like the biggest idiot in the world. Anyway, he showered and went to sleep.

I panicked.  The logical next step? I bailed.  Left my house as fast as I could. 

Prior to this fiasco, I had plans to go to a bonfire at my friend Tyler's that night. So I went to his house. He tore a strip off me and basically said I was insane. It was well deserved. He soon had me convinced I had let a serial killer move in with me and I was scared to go home. I decided I was going to stay at his house and he'd come home with me in the morning. As the night dragged on my anxiety level was building and I knew I had to go home. Tyler then had me convinced this guy had already robbed me blind. Anyway, I went home and my new roommate was still fast asleep. I went to bed - but I didn't sleep that night. At all.

The next day I was pondering what on earth I was going to tell my parents. I also knew my brother was going to have a field day when he heard the story. Anyway, my 'roomie' finally woke up and came over to me to chat. He spoke English fairly well. He told me about his family and schooling plans. He then told me he wanted to pick a new "North American" name. He decided on "Roy" as he had recently watched a boxing match and really liked Roy Jones Jr. Okay, sure - Roy it was.

He lived with me for the next 9 months. It was an adventurous 9 months and there were some funny moments and great stories. At the time, I may not have enjoyed some of these moments. I was, at times, a crazy bitch to him. I will admit that. I will tell some of these stories later. But before I do, I want to get the nice parts out of the way: Roy was a nice person, genuine, honest and for the most part, only had the best intentions. I never had to worry about him destroying anything or disrespecting my things - nothing like that. Best of all, he was clean. As far as being someone to co-habit with - he was a good roommate. The conflicts we did have were mainly due to our different lifestyles and the way we were brought up. I feel guilty for the way I treated him sometimes. I tried to remind myself that I was basically the only person he knew in the entire continent and he was lonely. Anyway, now that he's gone I am glad we keep in touch and I'm always happy to hear from him.

Future blogs will delve into all that is Roy. I haven't decided what story to share next....him learning about snow, sunken pirate treasures, our fight about the monkey or his call to 911 for 'feeling strange'.

Stay tuned.

Favourite of the Day: 

Well, this wasn't today, but I recently went to see "I Love You Man".  And I loved it.  It was really funny.  If I had to pick something today, it would be my appreciation for Family Guy. Because the writers of that show are ridiculously talented.  I like things that make me laugh.  

Punk'd - without the pleasure of Ashton

Seeing as today is April Fools Day, I thought I'd share the best trick anyone ever played on me. It happened about 6 years ago.   

One day I got to work and logged on to my computer to check my email, as I always did.  I saw an email marked "urgent" which was unusual.  It was from a name I'd never seen before.  I opened the email and my heart started to race.  It was from a man named Ugo in the "Audit and Investigations Department". The email read something like this: 

"From time to time we do random audits of employees internet usage.  A recent report shows that yours is excessively high.  I've arranged a meeting in my office with you and your Supervisor at 11:00am to discuss further." 

My heart was pounding and I almost threw up.  I showed my friend Jacqui who's worked at the company for over 20 years.  I asked her if she'd ever heard of this happening before and she said no.   It was only 8:00am, so I still had to wait 3 hours for this meeting.   My Supervisor at this time was a man named Pete.  We had a great, easy going relationship and he was someone I felt I could talk too.  I immediately went to him and nervously asked him if he had checked his emails yet.  He said he had and he saw that I was panicking.  I asked him if this had happened to him before.  He said no and assumed it was a new technology recently put into place.  I had worked the day before, which was a holiday.  Holidays are very quiet and the day goes by slowly. I truly had spent the entire day on the internet.  I told Pete this.  He told me to calm down, relax and that he would help me through the meeting.  

After three awful hours of built up anxiety it was time to go.  On the elevator down I made Pete PROMISE not to leave my side.  To sit beside me through the meeting and be there every step of the way.  He promised he would.  

We got to Ugo's office and I was a total wreck.  We sat down and I faced this man I had never seen before.  He was all business.  Immediately, Pete got up and left.  I stared at him leaving like a deer looking into the headlights of a transport - frozen and about to get creamed. 

Ugo then said "As you know, we are here to discuss your internet usage".  I nod in agreement. He says he noted I frequently visited 'www.cbs.com'.  I stuttered and explained that it was because I was part of a 'Survivor Pool' and I was following the show.  He then said "Before we continue, I need to give you this".  He handed me an envelope.  I opened it.  It contained well over $100 dollars.  I stared blankly at it and waited for him to continue.  

I then noticed Pete on the floor, on his hands and knees outside the door.   He was trying to hold it in but he had the belly laugh going.  You know the laugh that empowers your entire body? Ugo then looked at me and said "Congratulations! You won the Survivor Pool.  These are your winnings". 

Then Pete let out the laughs he'd been holding in, which then turned to tears.  I was still waiting for the other axe to fall.  I was thinking, 'okay, I won the pool.  Let's move on and get this over with'.  Ugo burst out laughing too.  They were waiting for me to laugh but I still hadn't figured it out.  Pete then told me "that was it...there was no internet audit".     

It took me awhile to comprehend that this was a joke.  I didn't know how to react.  I was waiting to laugh or to cry.  All I knew is I was more relieved than I can explain.  Ugo told me he felt bad playing this trick on me, as he didn't know me.  But Pete convinced him I had a good sense of humour and I could handle it.  

Here's how the story unfolded.  I was part of a large 'Survivor Pool' ran by a guy I'd never met who worked at our local college.  Somehow this pool made its way around our staff and many of us signed up. I guess at the very end, when he determined I'd won, he didn't know how to get me the money.  It turns out he knew Ugo.  Ugo then approached Pete to find out who I was to give me the money. And that's how this scheme was born.

I have vowed to someday get Pete back equally as good.  I've yet to plot my revenge.  But kudos to him.  I can appreciate the effort and the humour.  He got me -  more than I've ever been 'gotten' in my life. 

Blackberry...Blackshmerry

I've noticed a new trend at work lately and I'm not impressed with it.   It's a new footnote written at the bottom of emails.  It goes something like this: 

"Apologies for any grammatical errors as this message was created using my Blackberry Handheld"  

Here's what that message says to me: 

"I'm sorry I'm in a rush and I'm not taking time to review my email or pay attention to grammar.  Your email does not mean enough for me to stop and take time to make sure I respond in a professional manner" 

OR

"I rely heavily on spellcheck.  Too heavily in fact.  I use spell check to hide my short comings"

(haha  I just said short comings)  

I vented and now I feel better.  

Favourite of the Day: 

Today I had lunch with a friend I don't see often enough.  Which I enjoyed.  Plus, she made homemade pizza that had spinach, roasted red peppers, turkey and ricotta cheese on it.  It was good. 

Livin' in a Hockey Town

Yesterday was the first Tuesday in a long time that I have not had to go to the rink. Our hockey season ended on Saturday. Though we didn't advance in the playoffs and our team ended in last place, our girls learned a lot throughout the year and I loved this team. From the beginning of the year to the end we were two different teams. I've coached more successful teams in the past, as far as standings go but I've never coached a more successful team off the ice. These girls got along so well and we had supportive parents, which is a huge relief. I would much rather lose with this team than win with a more challenging team.

My friend Dana and I have coached together for the past 7 years. Each year we learn more and figure out what works for us and what doesn't. I'm confident we get better and better as each year goes by. We've watched so many girls grow and develop as athletes and grow and develop as people. I like seeing them years later and remembering the days when they looked like Bambi on ice.

I was happy that this year, for the first time, I had the opportunity to coach my niece Ryea. I watched her start the season as a shy little girl who sat quietly in the corner by herself. By the end of the year she had come out of her shell. She would do things and say things and I felt like I was in a time warp, looking back at myself in 1989. She made friends on the team and turned in a goofy girl just having fun. I loved watching her make that transition.

Over the years, coaching has taught us a lot. We've faced many road blocks. We've learned to deal with critical parents, girls who are bullies and coaches of the other teams who make the season harder than it has to be.

Here are just some of the things we've learned along the way:

(1) At a very intense point of a game, when you've called a time-out to talk game strategy, it is important for a kid to tell you that you have the same watch as her mom.

(2) Kids are NOT afraid to tell you things their parents have said about you. My favorite sentence starts with "My dad thinks you...." Great. Tell your dad I said "Thanks for the tip"

(3) Kids know the lyrics to a lot of songs. Even songs they shouldn't. Ever hear 15 little girls singing 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'? It's disturbing.

(4) It's not illogical for a kid to leave a game to pee. Even if it's the goalie - in the middle of a tournament.

(5) If a tennis ball inadvertently ends up on the ice during a game, a girl will stop dead in her tracks to return it to the stands. Because that is more important than the game in play.

(6) If you plan a whole practice to teach kids how to rebound, your very first step should be to explain what a rebound is. Don't assume they know what it is.

(7) If you ask a player "what they want to be" in reference to defense or forward, you should specify that. Otherwise the answer you will get is "a teacher".

(8) The BEST part of going on a tournament out of town has nothing to do with hockey. Pure joy is running around a hotel with your friends. Nothing beats this.

(9) I had no idea how cool Highschool Musical was. Now that I've heard all the songs and seen a few dance routines, I'm starting to understand.

(10) In all seriousness, I have learned real life lessons here. These kids accepted their losses at the end of the game. They tried their best and moved on. They didn't dwell and they weren't negative. They didn't let repeated losses get to them. They came to the rink ready to play and gave 100%. They skated their hearts out and never gave up.

In February we drove to a small town about an hour away. This team was 'out of our league' as far as skills go. They beat us 14-0. By about the 9th goal I was getting frustrated. I was feeling bad for the girls and worried they would get down on themselves. But they never did. They just kept trying each time they got on the ice. When the final buzzer rang they skated to the goalie cheering and screaming and jumped on her. I think partially because they were trying to cheer her up and partially for their simple love of the game.

Overall, hockey was something they wanted to do together as a team. They had fun and didn't care about the score. It was an experience they shared together. Each and every game. I know a few adults who could learn a thing or two from these kids.

I am sad to see the season end. I will miss the girls and can only hope to have such a great team next year.

"Oh, the good ole hockey game, it's the best game you can name.

And the best game you can name is the good ole hockey game!!"

-Stompin Tom