Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

What is it about a talking shell with a baby voice? I can't figure it out, but it's cute. If you're not one of the 16 million people to have already viewed this - It is a sweet little way to start a chilly Saturday morning like today.

It was created by actress/comedian Jenny Slate and filmmaker/director Dean Fleischer-Camp.

Fun fact: Jenny Slate was the first actress to use the f-word on Saturday Night Live. I'm sure she doesn't want that to be her known legacy. Well, Marcel's video has had more views than that clip. That should make her feel pretty effin good.



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Porketta: A How To Guide

I mentioned Porketta Bingo in my last post. It was pretty hilarious. I figure most of you were jealous of this adventure, so I created a picture guide of how you too can win yourselves some pork.

STEP 1: Gather some friends. Head to the classiest establishment that would hold meat raffles. In our case, the Esquire.

STEP 2: Purchase some cards and your drink of choice.

STEP 3: Concentrate and focus. You need to listen for your cards to come up. This may be difficult with Boomer on the mic. There will be shouting and plenty of obscenities.

STEP 4: Match all your cards and yell out "PORKETTA!!!" Then make your way to butcher's station (formerly the dance floor). That's where you will receive your fresh, hot pork. Who doesn't want that?

STEP 5: Get your fingers dirty and dig in.

Favourite of the Day: I FINALLY have my own parking spot at work!! Doesn't sound exciting to most. But trust me - downtown parking is a nightmare. I've been on waiting lists for years. Years. Now, finally, my soccer mom car has a place to call home. It is delightful. (albeit expensive but worth every penny).

It's Always Nonsense In My Mind

Getting out of bed in the morning is torture. I set two alarm clocks on either side of the room and they go off within three minutes of each other. When I press snooze, they continue to go off in different intervals for often 30 minutes or more. It is absurd that I think sleeping in these 4 or 5 minute windows actually does anything for me. Let's not talk logic to 6am me. It's a waste of time.

As I lie there envisioning myself starting the day and carefully calculating how many more precious minutes I can stay in bed, I bribe myself. "If you get up now you can eat breakfast or pack a lunch." My favourite bribe, however, is "If you shower now, you can blow dry your hair while watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". (hilarious show, if you didn't know.)

The show airs every day from 6:30-7:00am and I turn on the closed captioning and watch it while the blow dryer hums. Sometimes at 7:00am, Cheers comes on.

Where am I going with all of this? I had an epiphany. A non-life changing epiphany that means very little. But it is this: Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman are the best celebrity couple of all time. They have mastered staying out of the limelight while being completely awesome.

Carry on.

Favourite of the Day: I'm going to Porketta Bingo at the Esquire today. Bingo in a scuzzy bar for bowls of meat with some girlfriends? Tell me a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Spunky Monkey

I donated blood today. (yah. I'm awesome.) I don't know if this is legible, but question #13 is my favourite part. It says:

"Have you, in your past or present job, taken care of or handled monkeys or their body fluids?"

It is physically impossible for me to answer without a smirk on my face. I don't know who gets to answer 'yes' to this question but I wish I could be there when they do.

"I'm sorry sir. We cannot accept your blood today, due to your previous encounters with monkey semen."

Favourite of the Day: Well this. and Dry Shampoo. I love it.