When dirty words aren't dirty

One of my favourite things is when my mom calls me and says "Sar - I pulled a boner today"

In most households, this would be a weird thing for a mom to say. However, in my family it doesn't quite mean what you think.  Let me clarify.  My mom says that when something crazy or stupid happens to her.  Like me, my mom often finds herself in bizarre situations.  This is where the title of my blog comes from.  Because without a doubt, I am my mother's daughter. In my family no one is surprised when something crazy happens to my mom.  Likewise, they aren't surprised when they happen to me.  It's almost expected.  

So just this week I got one of my favourite calls from my mom.  She tells me she went to the gas station to fill up.  For some reason, she forgot to pull down the gas lever to get the gas to come out.  She struggled and finally went inside to ask the gas attendant for help.  When she went back to the car there was a line up of cars waiting to get gas. Feeling the pressure of anxious people, she grabbed the diesel gas nozzle instead of unleaded.  Even though the diesel nozzle doesn't fit on regular gas tanks....she jammed it in there anyway.  Someone saw her do this and pointed it out to her.  But it was too late and the tank was full.  So, she to had place her standard call to my dad, followed by a call for a tow truck.   Here's the damage: $46.00 in gas, $80.00 for the tow and $325.00 for the work on the car.  

That is just one example of my mom's "Boner Tales"  There are many and they always make us laugh.   Aside from being entertained by my mom, I am also amused by dad's reactions to these occurrences.  Or should I say lack there of.  I guess being married to my mom for 39 years has prepared him for such phone calls.  He rolls with the punches and deals with them as they come.  

When the crazy guy threw his bike at my car trying to frame me, I called my dad in a panic.  He stayed calm and encouraged me to deal with the situation.  I did and everything was fine.   No panic required.  

I remember about a month after I got my last car I was driving a friend home. When I was backing out of her driveway, I accidentally drove along her fence and scraped my car all along the side.  A few days later my dad saw the scrape. Thinking he'd be disappointed, seeing as it was a brand new car, I was prepared for him to shake head or tell me to be more careful. He didn't. All he said was "Oh well, your mother just drove into the garage the other day too". No surprises; no big deal.  

The day I locked myself out of my house in nothing but a house coat that did not fit, I had to call my dad, from the house of some stranger down the road.  He had a spare key for my house and I needed him to bring it to me.   He showed up at my house and found me sitting on the deck barely covering myself and looking like a lunatic, I'm sure.  I waited again for him to say something.  But all he did was hand me the key and say "Throw out that housecoat".   He turned around, got in the car and drove away. 

I love my mom for knowing how to laugh at herself.  She doesn't waste time with regret or stewing over "what ifs" or "should haves".  She deals with things as they come.  I love my dad for not making mountains out of mole hills and for having the patience of a saint.  

I await the next boner tale in my family.  Not sure if it will come from my mom or me....

A Dog's Eye View

Imagine you are standing in a room.  There is a door in that room. You open the door, exit the room and close the door behind you. After awhile, you open up the same door and walk back through the same doorway.  But this time....you're in a different room. 

You know what that is?  That is an elevator. To a DOG.  

Years ago my friend Lisa and I stayed at her dad's condo for a week while he went to Florida. We were there to watch his dog.  He lived really high up in the building.  Several times a day, Lisa and I took turns taking the dog outside.  It was winter, it was cold and sometimes, it was the middle of the night.   Mostly, it was annoying.   I say this as a previously spoiled dog owner. We lived in the bush with a lazy dog.   We didn't have to tie her up or pick up her poop.  

Anyway, on these many trips on the elevator with the dog, I wondered what the dog was thinking.  Did she have any concept of how high up we were? And if not, did she wonder why we always had to ride this elevator?  Though to her, it would haven't been an elevator.  It would have been the room we had to stand in for no reason each time she had to go to the bathroom.  

Dogs are smart animals.  They can do amazing things.  But to what extent do their brains process concepts?  Do they think or are they just trained to follow command and are creatures of habit and repetition?

I know my aforementioned dog was very smart.  She knew she had to get off the couch when my dad was coming.  But she also knew she could stay if it was anyone but him.  She processed that and made her decisions based on her thoughts.  

But guess what?  She also ate her own poo.  

So, how smart can she be? 

Was it Merlot?

Just yesterday I went for a nice walk down a sandy beach on Lake Huron.  I took off my shoes and walked barefoot in the lake.  It was a bizarre experience considering it was November 9th.    

Then Mother Nature drank too much wine with Father Time.  They got giddy and played Truth or Dare.   While Father Time divulged his teenage secrets, Mother Nature chose Dare and erupted with laughter.  They high-fived each other and giggled as they showered us with snow.  

So 24 hours after I walked barefoot in a lake, I was forced to dig out my mittens and boots.   

I find it troubling how people who've spent 20 years driving in the snow always forget how, come the first snow fall of the year.   Though I live only 9km away from my office, I left the house today at 8:17am, anticipating the hideous driving skills of the summer-minded folk.  I didn't get to my desk until 9:02am. 45 minutes to get to work. I calculated that's equivalent to driving 12km/hour. Not good for a person who is perpetually late.   

Welcome Winter.  

I hope Mother Nature is hungover tomorrow. 

Superman was a Super Man

I spend a large portion of my week in close proximity with someone I'll call "McD".  She is someone I didn't really know until this summer, but it is surprising how much someone can affect you when you spend a lot of time together.  

McD is a negative, hateful person.  Her life theory is to hate people until they prove her reason to like them.  She will come right out and tell this to you.  No innocent until proven guilty for this girl.  Everyone is guilty until proven innocent.  She is bossy, controlling, opinionated and not the least bit shy. There are so many times in a day I hear things come out of her mouth and I am embarrassed for her.  Not that I should be - because she clearly isn't.  

I am not saying I never complain.  I do.  But on a whole I would say I am a positive person.  I try to see the good in people and "look on the bright side" whenever I can.   Though that becomes harder and harder to do when you are surrounded by hate.  

Normally I am a person who would express my opinion or challenge someone when they say something completely moronic.  But with McD I know it would be a lost cause and a never ending battle.  I bite my tongue so many times a day I can't believe it doesn't bleed.  

I cannot imagine a life like that.  At all.  I feel sorry for her in that sense.  Sorry that so little makes her happy and so little makes her smile.  Except for herself. She thinks she's quite funny.  Apparently hate is funny.  

Trying to see the bright side, as I claimed I do, I am viewing this as a learning experience.  McD is teaching me to be tolerant and wise.  Wise about choosing my battles and tolerant in choosing not to let her affect my mood and get inside my head.  It's hard.  Trust me.  But through her I am given a reality check.  A reminder of how I want my life to be and how I choose my reactions and responses.  

The cycle of life carries on through McD.  She has a child who she will raise to think like she does.  My hope for her (but mostly for her child) is that someday, somehow, she will learn to see the beauty in life; the beauty in people and the power of positive thinking.  It is something I hope, but sadly don't see happening.  However, hope can be a beautiful thing.  Christopher Reeves once said "Once you choose hope, anything is possible".