Why I'm not friends with Oprah

A few years back, when I was an avid VHS recorder-of-shows, I found myself in the market to land on Oprah and become her best friend.

I used to watch the show "Nip/Tuck" (had a crush on Sean McNamara) and would frequently program my VCR to tape it. One day while reading the classified ads on our local website, I found an ad from a man who missed the most recent show and was desperately looking for someone who taped it. I taped it.

I really thought it was hilarious that someone actually posted a classified ad for this. I can appreciate someone who is that devoted to a television show. I decided to call him. I knew I could have been opening up my life to a whole world of crazy, but I decided to risk it. If only for the fact that I would hope someone would do the same for me.

I called the number. His wife answered. I asked for "Mike". He wasn't home. Clearly questioning why some random girl was calling her husband, she asked why I was calling. That's when my face turned red. He was a goof for posting the ad, but I was goofier for responding to it and I suddenly felt really ridiculous.

Me: "I am just responding to the ad he posted online"
Her: "Ad for what"
Me: "um.......a recording of last night's Nip/Tuck."

dead silence

Her: (mumbling to herself) "you've got to be kidding me" I could tell she was embarrassed by her husband. With hesitation she said "Okay, I'll pass on the message"

Soon after, he called me back. He was SO happy I called. As luck would have it - he lived very close to me. His children went to the school that is near my house. We made arrangements for me to leave the tape in my mailbox for him to pick up when he dropped his kids off at school. When I returned home later that day I found a new blank tape in my mail box and a lottery ticket attached.

Mike and I continued our 'friendship' throughout that t.v season. We never actually met. I don't know what he looks like. I don't know his last name. We continued to record shows for each other and exchanged tapes in our mailboxes. The odd time, he would leave a lottery ticket.

I fantasized that one of the tickets would bring me millions. Then I'd give him a million, of course. I knew my story of giving a million dollars to the man I'd never met would get me on a first class flight to Harpo Studios. Oprah would think I was pretty awesome and next thing you know, I'm playing Foosball with Stedman while she pours us more wine and laughs.

But (sigh) - back to reality. I did not win the lottery and have accepted it wasn't meant to be. Nip/Tuck ended and life went on.

I hope Mike has since gotten a PVR. I bet his wife hopes so too.