My Gram

It was two years ago today that my grandma died.  It is weird how fast time goes by sometimes. I feel like it was yesterday.  The day she died I felt more peaceful than I thought I would/should.  I didn't react in the way I imagined I might.  She had been ill and in pain for quite some time and I think I felt a little relieved knowing she didn't have to live like that anymore.  The thing I was most sad about then, and still now, is knowing that my own mother no longer has her mother. The whole situation has been hard on my mom and that makes me sad.  

Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my Grandma.  Our family was close. When I close my eyes and think of her, I see her in the kitchen.  She was an amazing cook.  Always cooking for us and feeding us.  She was famous for her pie.  Coconut Cream was her best, I'd say...but it's a tough call.  

My gram was loving and hard working.  She always took care of us.  She is so many of the things my mom is today.  While she was a lot things, funny wasn't one of them.  That is - until the end. Maybe it was the combination of all the medication she was on and maybe she lost her mind a bit.  But she suddenly started cracking jokes and making us laugh and it was awesome.  I like remembering that about her at the end of her life.  

It has always made me sad that I never had the chance to know either of my grandfathers. One died before I was born, the other when I was just an infant.  I love hearing stories about them and I've often imagined what they were like and how our relationships would have been. Though they both sounded like two very different men, they sounded like amazing people I would have loved to know.  I also would have loved the chance to see both my grandma's with the men they loved and raised their family's with.  

I have a lot of thoughts going through my head today.  I know I think too much sometimes and I wish there were days I could just turn my brain off.  But I can't.  So instead I am reminding myself that life teaches you lessons sometimes and you need to learn from them.  Then move on.  As I think of this today, I think of my Gram and priorities.  To spend time with people you love and cherish the memories you make together.  Today, more than other days, I'm trying to remember "don't sweat the small stuff".