Gold, Frankincense and Jewellery

One of my nieces asked for a personalized name necklace for Christmas. So I bought her one. I did not research this. I went online, clicked on the first website and ordered it.

As time passed by and it did not arrive, I began to worry. I went back to the website only to discover the company is based in Israel.

Yep. I-s-r-a-e-l.

I worried it would not arrive in time, but thankfully it arrived yesterday.

Anyway, last night I realized something. Do you remember what else came from Israel? Ya - that's right. JC himself.

Some people turn to the Sears Wish Book for their gifting needs.

Not me.

I get mine straight from the manger.

(The Israeli postage)

~~~~~~

Happy Holidays my friends!

May you all have the opportunity to spend

time with those you love.

That is the greatest gift of all.

In the meadow we can build a snowman.....

I'm not sure what he loves more: snow in the winter or the hose in the summer?

Have you ever seen a dog so excited?

My pooch-nephew Oscar is the cutest.

Photos by Amy (his mom)

Fortune Cookies

The other day Heidi wrote about a fortune she has been keeping with her since she was 15. I read some really neat stories her friends shared about fortunes that affected their lives as well.

For many years, I have had two fortunes stuck on my fridge. Fortune cookies to me, are entertaining and not something I put much worth in. Usually. But these two messages brought meaning to my life years ago and I felt the need to hang on to them. I pass by them on a daily basis, never giving them much thought. Until now.

The timing of this resurfacing is uncanny. Not to get all Celestine Prophecy on you over here - but can this all be a coincidence? Did I read about other people's fortunes, then re-visit my own at a time when they couldn't be more applicable to things happening right now?

Yet again, things have come full circle and I love the feeling my innards feel. Like fairies are dancing in a cloud of sparkles. It all makes sense. Things DO happen for a reason.

Favourite of the Day: Learning. Growing. Cheesy but true.

Short and Sweet

A few years ago Amy and I took Darienne and Avery to the water park for the day. Most of the staff at the park were foreign students from all over the world. Their name tags had the country they were from written underneath their name.

As we paid for our tickets, five year old Darienne noticed one girl was from Spain. She excitedly told her she had friend who lived in Spain and could speak Spanish. Then she said “Maybe you know her – her name is Dora”

How stinkin' cute is that?

Tacos, Clams and Chicken

I like Brandi Carlile. Great voice.

Might I make this bold statement? If lesbians were to square off with straight chicks in a music competition, Team Lez would take home the gold.




This is unrelated but I went to Wendy's the other day and I got this in my meal. If you don't see why this cracked me up - were not friends. Also, this was the same Wendy's that Bri did the Undies Parade in. How much do I love this place?

Star-shmucks, Maybe.

I decided that I hate Starbucks. I'm not sure why I suddenly became so hostile towards the place, but I did. As I stood there looking around and listening to people talk - I realized how much I hate everything about it.

On Wednesday I was down in Southern Ontario and I had some time to kill. I was hungry and I saw one within walking distance. I went in and ordered a "Skinny Peppermint Mocha". Which I thought was a mint flavoured hot chocolate. It wasn't. It had espresso or some other gross crap in it. "Skinny" meant they used non-fat milk. Though I'm not sure how skinny it was when the girl put whip cream on it. Genius, right?

I also ordered a muffin. The stupid "Venti" mocha and muffin put me out $8.00. Ridiculous.

As I stood there waiting for the girl to ever-so-non-chalantly-despite-the-crazy-line-up create this fancy shmancy dumb drink at a turtle's pace, I listened to other people order their drinks. Venti. Grande. Soy. Non Fat. No Whip. Skinny. No Foam. Half this. Half that.

How about a nice warm glass of shut the hell up? (Happy Gilmore, anyone?)

DON'T PEOPLE JUST ORDER COFFEE ANY MORE? The smug and pretentious clouds in the room were burning my eyes so I promptly left. Thankfully, I don't drink coffee. I rarely drink hot drinks. My hatred for this store means nothing and affects no one. I just needed to vent. Okay. Done.

For all you supporters - I went to their website. I acknowledge they do some good. Responsibly Grown. Fair Trade Coffee. Economic Accountability. Social Responsibility. Yada Yada Yada.

I stand by the fact that if some dude had to create a chart to decipher your menu - you suck.







Side note: Did you know this sweet actress, Frances Bay, died in September
at the young age of 92?


Favourite of the Day: Tonight my sister told me she tried to show her dog a picture on her iPad but 'he wouldn't look at it'. HAHAHAHAHA.

The Plague

Last night I went grocery shopping at 12:30am. As I was walking by the fancy cheeses, this big fat spider ran in front of me. He was creepy and I was too chicken to kill him so I just ignored him.

A few minutes later, right near the pears, the little bugger showed up again. My mind started to wander. I was sure he was some type of exotic African spider who had arrived at the store hiding between bananas. I figured he was probably poisonous and was going to lay eggs all over everyone's produce. Yes, I know he couldn't lay eggs, he obviously left his wife napping in the bananas while he went for a midnight snack. I knew I had to do something.

The store was deserted so no one else would get him. I was grossed out by the thought of squishing him. So I put on my McGyver thinking cap and ran over to the olive cart. I took one of the clear plastic containers and ran back to trap him. For being a poisonous African spider, he certainly wasn't very fast. I trapped him with very little effort.

....and I left him there. I decided to just carry on grocery shopping and pretend that didn't happen. I figured a floor cleaner would find him and deal with the situation.


Later, as I was checking out, I watched a man walk in, see the container on the floor, stop and stare at it for minute then keep on walking. This made me laugh pretty hard. I decided to fess up to the cashier. I told the guy I trapped a spider in the produce section and they had to take care of it. I explained the situation. As I pushed my cart out I heard this conversation:

Guy Cashier: I'm just heading over to produce for a minute. I have to find a spider a customer trapped over there. I'll be back in a sec.
Girl Cashier: What?
Guy Cashier: You heard me.
Girl Cashier: Man. The things that happen here during night shift are so weird.

Weird my ass lady. I probably just saved you from the plague of the Crazy African Spiders.

This is the actual spider. I took this picture on my phone and

showed it to the cashier.

Taking the High Road

A few years ago my niece Darienne asked me why men marry other men. Like the mature, responsible adult I am, I told her it was because some people live in really small towns and they run out of women.

For you, board.

Early this morning as I lie in bed, I remembered it was my friend Brianne's birthday today.

It made me smile.

There are so many stories in my life that involve Bri that make me laugh. So many. Probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life stars her as the main character. I'm going to share it (with her permission) in hopes that this isn't one of those 'had to be there' moments. I'm pretty confident it isn't.

Years ago, our hockey team was traveling to North Bay for a tournament. We had rented a van for the road trip and we all piled in. Some of us may have been drinking. Some of us may have been drunk. Requiring many pee breaks along the way, we stopped at the Tim Hortons/Wendy's in Espanola. For those who have been there, you know this is the busiest place on the planet. It was a Friday night around supper time and the place was jammed with people. Families and children everywhere.

I was in the bathroom with Bri and a few other teammates. (the twins and Betty). Sitting there on the toilet, one of the twins (I can't remember which one) said to me "Get ready.....when I say go, get ready to run, k?". I had no idea why, but obviously I said yes. Just then Twin reached under the stall, grabbed Bri's pants and ripped them out from under her feet and yelled "Go". Then we all bolted. We ran back to the van and showed the rest of the girls we had Bri's pants. We all laughed our heads off. Though it was never discussed, I'm sure the plan was to make her sit in there and sweat it out, but eventually we would bring her pants back.

I don't know how long we waited and if we lost track of time, but suddenly someone saw it. We looked up and saw Bri walking through the busy restaurant. In a t-shirt and undies. I don't think I will ever forget this. (Excuse me while I laugh for a bit). What is even funnier, is that she didn't run - she walked. Perhaps not to call attention to herself? HA.

Later than night Bri almost got us kicked out of the hotel. After the guy at the front desk helped an old lady carry luggage to her car, he came back in to see Bri at the front desk answering the phone "Travelodge, Brianne speaking".

Oh Bri. You are so funny. What a good weekend that was.

That was only slightly better than the time she got these girls in Elliot Lake to chase her through the hotel for stealing their door signs. And almost as funny as the time she got stuck in the water slide. It was almost as good when she jammed her fingers in that wedding cake. Or operation cork screw....but not quite.

Regardless of the situation Bri is involved in, it always proves for a laugh and I'm happy I've gotten to be around for many good times with her. It makes me miss our road trips. I think it's time we plan another one.

Cheers to you on your birthday, Bri-Dog. Thanks for all the laughs.

Favourite of the Day: I went to the new restaurant on Queen Street called Embers. It was delicious. Highly recommended!

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"It's a passion that brings us all together"

As a new hockey season debuts, I went back to find my favourite commercial ever. Hater or Lover of #87 - you know this commercial is awesome. You just might be too proud to admit it.




Speaking of Sid the kid, this concussion business has to stop. It's not right. A summer full of tragedies has plagued the hockey world. Put a stop to something that can be controlled to prevent a lifetime of brain injury on people at least. K?



RIP to former local OHL player Josef Vasicek and his Russian teammates. Some things are just too sad to even comprehend.


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Just Call me Columbo

I've solved a crime. Check out the news article I read:

3,000 pairs of panties found along highway By QMI Agency

Cops were stunned to discover thousands of pairs of panties strewn alongside a highway in Fairfield County, Ohio, on Thursday.

"I came up and I looked for myself, and after I got here I couldn't believe what I was seeing," deputy sheriff Gary Hummel told KSPR news.

The underwear -- 3,000 pairs, some clean and some used -- were found in four locations along the highway near Berne Township, piled along the embankments and hanging from trees.

They appeared to have been dumped out of plastic shopping bags from local grocery and department stores.

It took police two hours to pack the panties into 10 garbage bags, which are now taking up all the space in their evidence storage room.

"We just can't figure out where that many underwear would have come from and who would have disposed of them," said Jim Carmichael, a Berne Township trustee.

I read this and laughed. It's hilarious. But then I stopped. Because a light switch went off in my head. If you're a follower, you should have the same feeling in your gut. You know who did this too. C'mon. Is it not obvious? Who likes to party in the bush with his friends and bags of panties? Ya - that's right. IT'S HIM.

Someone call the authorities.





Favourite of the Day: Babies, Babies n Babies! Glad I got to visit with Alden, Aurora, Finnley and Daxton! (and Damian...but he's not a baby)

Puppy Love

Is it possible to look at these and not smile? These are the best dog moments I have ever seen captured. Pure happiness. I love these pictures so much.

98% of the time it doesn't bother me that I don't have a dog. Then I see pictures like these and I remember how amazing dogs are. I KNOW my life would be more complete with a furry friend in my life.

I wait for the day when I work regular hours and have a fenced in back yard. I won't get a dog until I can offer it the lifestyle it deserves. But when that day comes? I am going to be a kick-ass dog momma.

(Thanks to Deb and Andrea for letting me steal your dog pics! They made me happy.)

Favourite of the Day: "The Help". Go see it. Good movie.

Eat, Drink and Be Married.

When my friend Julie got engaged at Christmas, we excitedly started talking 'wedding' talk. She asked me to make her wedding cake and I didn't hesitate to accept. Of course I can make her wedding cake! That would be SO much fun!! We had both dipped into more than a few glasses of wine by this point. About 3.4 seconds after this conversation took place I forgot about it.

Have I ever made a wedding cake? Nope. Do I know how to make a wedding cake? Nope. Give me a few drinks and I might tell you I can build a house too.

Spring came along and Julie asked me how the cake plans were coming. Doh!! The conversation came flooding back. I told her I would still go ahead and do it. After all, I had taken a couple of cake decorating classes. My basic round birthday cakes would be ample experience for this, right? That is when the anxiety started. What if it was hideous? What if it was disgusting? I felt too much pressure.

In July I talked it over with Julie. I suggested that I buy her cake instead, as my wedding gift. This would take the organizing off of her and the stress off of me. She agreed. Phew.

Jeannette's Custom Cakes to the rescue! Though I had never met Jeannette, I had been good friend's with her husband when we were teens and had been following her new cake business since it started. She is incredibly talented and I love all of her cakes. I was excited when I contacted her and she had Julie's wedding date available.

The wedding was this past weekend. A beautiful wedding, a beautiful bride and of course, a beautiful cake!! Big thanks to Jeannette. Big congrats to Julie and Joel too!!

Fingers crossed I never make another booze fueled decision. Lesson learned.

Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Icing. Yum.

(Seriously guys, check her out...there is also a link on the right side of your screen listed under "I also read...")

Favourite of the Day: I'm expanding my palatte this week, like a real grown up. I ate Sushi. SUSHI. Can you believe that? AND I liked it. I still can't get over it. I also ate Gorgonzola Gnocchi's and they were fabulous. What? I don't eat cream sauce on pasta. Or do I? ; )

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Deep Thoughts

Do what you need to do when you
need to do it
so you can do what you want to do when
you want to do it.

I saw this posted on a sign in Jimmy John's when me and Les were away. I've had it stuck in my brain since. Brilliance. My Jiminy Cricket has been trying to tell me this for about 30 years. Stop procrastinating, you idiot.

By the way, Jimmy John's is the coolest place ever. Get on this train, Canada. If I had money, I would buy this franchise in a heartbeat. Screw you, Subway.






Favourite of the Day: When asked about the theory of life and evolution the other day, Jayme replied that we were the Flintstones turning into the Jetson's. She also incorporated Ewok's into her response. Best answer ever.

Follow Up: Poop Soup

Poop Soup.

Gross right? Try living in it.

Country Thunder lived up to its name. Our first night there it thundered. It lightninged. It rained. For 12 straight hours:

After the rain, all of the nice little dirt roads between the rows of campsites quickly turned to deep, thick, squishy mud paths. As the temperature quickly rose to extreme heat, the mud turned to poop soup. It turns out the field we were camping in was previously a cornfield. A cornfield filled with manure. We spent four days in this poopfest and it smelled delightful.

Every day we made our trek from our campsite to the concert area and back. We took off our shoes, journeyed through the ankle deep sludge and crossed our fingers that we weren't amongst the many to wind up face first in the dungtastic mess. The rain continued every single night, so it never had a chance to dry up. Though yes, it was gross, it was also hilarious. At times the mud was very skating rink-like. We saw many drunk people flopping around in it like fish out of water. Considering neither Leslie nor I have the grace of ballerinas, I'm quite proud neither of us fell.

The great news is the mud did not diminish our spirits. The music was amazing and we had a great trip. I've been to many different places with Leslie and I am happy we can add this to our list of adventures together.

If you're wondering about the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - yes, they did play Fishing in the Dark. So no need to worry about throwing crap. In fact, the only worry was showering since that is exactly what we smelled like.

Favourite of the Day: Fireflies. In Wisconsin there were fireflies everywhere and I loved it. I feel like they are a little bit magical.

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'Baby Get Ready'

Remember two years ago when I wrote about Fishing in the Dark?

Guess who I'm going to see this week????? That's right. And if the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band doesn't play that song I'm going to riot and throw crap at them. Not literal crap. But you know, stuff. Okay probably not. I'll probably politely walk away and come back home and whine about it. That's more my style.

While I'm there, I'm also going to check out this line up:

• Darius Rucker
• Martina McBride
• Sara Evans
• Josh Turner
• Rascall Flatts
• Lady Antebellum
• Zac Brown Band
• Steel Magnolia
• Sawyer Brown

And a few others......

Try to contain your jealousy....(or mockery if you don't like country). Cross your fingers I don't sweat to my own death in this heat wave. Sunscreen and water packed and ready.

Summer Vacation officially starts now. I'm off to Wisconsin for Country Thunder. Pictures to follow!!

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Favourite of the Day: Tonight my mother made me laugh when she walked by the TV when "The Night Garden" was on and said "I think those people are on acid".

Bananas are dreamy.

Banana is my favourite flavour of anything. If it has bananas in it - I love it. I have this banana lotion from Bath and Body Works and when I use it, I want to lick myself. But I don't - relax. Cause that's weird. But the point is - I want to. That is how much I love banana things.

One time I went to Laura Secord and saw that one of their ice cream flavours was 'Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich'. I probably stood there completely stunned for a few seconds. As you may predict - I love peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Bananas? Good. Peanut Butter? Good. Put them together? Perfection. Add ice cream? Oh my. It did not disappoint. It was vanilla ice cream with chunks of banana, swirls of peanut butter and those little graham chunks that you find in NY Cherry Cheesecake. (You know what I'm talking about). It was the best ice cream I've ever had in my entire life.

Over time I periodically went back to see if they had it again. They did not. Finally one day I asked the woman working if they would have it again anytime soon. She told me it didn't exist. That they have never had it. EVER. What?

I can only conclude my ice cream bliss was a dream. A very vivid- I-can't-even-tell-it's-not-real dream. Which is absurd. Absurd that I'm inventing ice cream and absurd that I can't even tell it is fake.

My dreams makes me angry. I want an 'off' switch for my brain - so I didn't spend my nights chasing things, being stressed out, losing my clothes, forgetting my dance routine at my recital, water skiing with Cindy Crawford or sitting at the Oscars with Sylvester Stallone - whom I co-starred with yet who forgot who I was when I introduced him to my family. Yes, these are all real dreams I have had. In comparison, maybe inventing ice cream isn't that weird - but it still set me up for a huge disappointment.

I just googled "Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich" ice cream just to be sure it's not real. No dice.

Maybe I can bring this to Dragons' Den. If my dreams make me rich I won't be angry anymore.



Favourite of the Day: Woke up this morning and walked down to the beach to dip my toes in the lake before driving back to town.

Well La-dee-freakin-dah

My friend Sherri recently sent me this picture and I'm pretty sure it's the best picture I've ever seen in my life. I have no idea who these people are. I don't know where this picture came from but I wish this was my child. She would bring me eternal joy.



I love Chris Farley. I have seen Tommy Boy more times than I can count. What I would have given to have spent an afternoon with him in a van down by the river.

If anyone else is a fan - I recently read "The Chris Farley Show" - a biography written by his brother Tom. I loved it. A really good look at who Chris was as a person (not his television persona) and his battle with drugs. Great read.

Thanks for sending me this pic, Sherri!!






Favourite of the Day: A girl I know is teaching in South Korea and is currently in the hospital recovering from surgery. She posted on facebook today that one of her students showed up at the hospital with her mom to wash her hair. I think that's one of the sweetest things I've heard in a long time.

Random acts of kindness remind me how awesome people are. The good outweighs the bad. Always.

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Creepy-pants

I was driving down Highway 131 a few weeks back. I was heading home from Traverse City. It was late Sunday night, the highway was deserted and I was alone. I was listening to Tina Fey's "Bossypants" on audiobook. (Sidenote: I love audiobooks. I love Tina Fey more.)

As Tina read to me, I noticed she used the word 'grim' more than once. I thought about the word. I thought about how much I liked it. I decided it's not used in everyday language nearly enough.

Just minutes after I thought about this, my iPod starting emitting a strange thumping noise. I couldn't figure out what was causing it. It was rudely interrupting Tina. It was annoying me. I was fumbling around with the iPod so I decided I should pull over for safetys sake. I saw a little side road coming up, alongside an old farm off the highway. I turned onto the road. I checked out the iPod and didn't see any problem. The thumping mysteriously stopped. I went to pull back onto the highway, but not before I looked up at the road sign. It read Grimm Street.

I had pulled on to Grimm Street.

Did the hair on your arms just stand up? Because mine did.

grim
[grim] -adjective, grim-mer, grim-mest

• stern and admitting of no appeasement or compromise
  
• of a sinister or ghastly character
• having a harsh, surly, forbidding or morbid air

Having a harsh, surly, forbidding or morbid air? NO FREAKIN' KIDDING.



.

Who is that guy anyway?

I've been sucking at this lately. I wish I had something cool to say. I don't. I would, however, like to share this song that came on the radio as I made my way to work yesterday. Wikipedia tells me this song came out in 1992. I was 12 at the time. I don't think I have heard it since. It evoked memories of riding my bike in a loon covered Northern Reflections t-shirt. Okay - not really. But what else was I doing when I was 12?

Mr Wendell - Arrested Development

Running Horse

I had this sudden flashback of something happened to me in kindergarten. I remember we were all gathering on the floor around my teacher, Mrs Haromy, who was sitting on a chair. She was teaching us about Native Americans. Right before I sat down I realized I forgot something and quickly bolted to the area where our pack sacks and coats were hanging. I scrambled to look for whatever it was that I forgot and scooted back to my place, realizing everyone was waiting for me.

At some point Mrs Haromy decided to give us all our own "Indian" names. (Which would never happen today, but remember this was in the 80's). Anyway, based on my scatterbrain behavior that day, I was given the name "Running Horse".

It occurred to me that after all these years, nothing has changed.

I am exactly who I was at the age of four.

Fascinating, no?

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A back-seat glance

Oliver loves Spiderman.

I love Oliver.

Never say Never

I write this from a hotel room. I'm chaperoning a sleepover with a bunch of 12 and 13 year old girls. Surprisingly, they've been asleep since 1am. I was sure I was going to be up all night with them. Their non-stop texting and social networking mastery opened my eyes to how different their 12 year old existence is to my own.

They showed me something that made me laugh and laugh. Check it out:

HE HAS HIS OWN LINE OF FREAKING NAIL POLISH???!!!!!

Completely absurd or absolute genius?

It's called the "One Less Lonely Girl" Collection. If you saw the names of the different colours, you just might pee your pants. When I laughed at this tonight, they were quick to defend him. How dare I mock this boy! Silly me.

Serenity Now

Sunshine. Sand. Wind. Water. Kites. Kids. Dogs. Family.

And most importantly, my mom.

Today could not have been a better day.

You hear that? It's the sound of bliss.

(Well, minus the squawking seagulls).

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommy's I know.

Huge hugs to Amanda who delivered baby Katelyn this morning at 8:48am.

What a perfect gift to you.

To my cousin Andrea - first time mom who just welcomed baby Reed:

I cannot wait to meet him!!

Special shout out to Erin and Heidi - who will be first time moms very soon!

My Fake, I mean Real Crushes III

Hard to believe I'm doing my third annual list of crushes. In the past I discussed my Fake Crushes - being that the people were fictitious characters. I'm going to switch it up a bit this year. I'm swaying from my usual television realm and entering the world of music (mostly). Acoustic music, apparently. I'm going with some real people here, generating my real hopes of someday sobbing at their deathbed, fingers intertwined, tears gingerly cascading down my cheeks, thanking them for a lifetime of memories. Yes I know some of these people are married. Dream big people. Or maybe just don't crap on mine. Here we go:


Damien Rice: Oh you, with your scruffy beard and Irish accent. I don't know who the Blower's Daughter is, or what a Blower even is. I don't care really. Just come to Canada. We'll eat maple syrup and build snowmen and throw snow at each other and laugh. Then we'll have hot chocolate in front of the fire place. (I don't actually have a fire place, but if you come here I'll get one).








Ben Harper: You know when you sing 'Forever' you melt every girl in the world, right? Did you know that? Also, I'm generally not a fan of covering large areas of your body with tattoos, but I have to say - you're an exception. Because you and that guitar of yours are pretty exceptional. I've heard through the grapevine that you've split from Laura Dern. I'm a good listener Ben, if you ever need to talk. Or kiss. Or cuddle. Or love me. Whatever you need.




Adam Sandler: A movie star? Yes. A comedian? Yes. My teen idol? Yes. But the Adam I write about today is the one who sings "I Want to Grow Old With You". Who wouldn't want someone to tell them they would make them smile when they are sad? Get them medicine when their tummy aches or put them to bed when they've had too much to drink? I'll even settle for someone to steal this song and sing it to me. But should it be possible, let's just set the record straight - Adam, I want to grow old with you.

Jack Johnson: Oh Jackie boy, don't tell the others but you are my favourite. I've seen you twice in concert, but third time's a charm right? Perhaps our chance meeting will soon be in the cards. Well, no. Honestly, that's a lie. At the last concert, you sang "My Little Girl" about your daughter and well, I don't want to be a home wrecker. You sang about that dang wife of yours too. I'll admit that I crush on you enough to let you be happy with the whole 'family' thing you've got going. Love your wife and your kids like you do, you sexy man. Sigh.

And last, but not least, Mr Daniel Tosh.

Who saw him amongst these guys right? He doesn't play guitar and sing in a sultry, sexy voice, I know. But he cracks me up. I love his facial expressions and comedic timing. His sexuality is up in the air. If you've watched Tosh.0, you know what I'm talking about. Gay or straight, Mr Tosh, I still want you in my life. You're clearly quite clever and obviously funny. My kind of guy. If it turns out you prefer the sausage to the taco, can we be roommates?

In looking at my last two crush lists, I noticed something pretty interesting. In 2009 I listed Ben Covington (Scott Speedman), then in 2010 I listed Billy Abbott (Billy Miller). BOTH of these actors came to town this year. What are the chances of that?? Coming here, to this dinky little town in the middle of now where. Coincidence? Perhaps. But lets all cross our fingers that someone from my 2011 list will be coming this way.

Favourite of the Day: I don't want to list anything as my favourite today. But that defeats the purpose of me finding the good. So I will..... Um. My laundry pile is diminishing. I'm happy and thankful I live in a town that gives me access to buy American gas. There. Not one, but two. Au revoir and bon soir.

Random Flashback

One time my sister and I were in the car when the song "How Bizarre" came on the radio. We were both singing along. During the chorus when they say "How bizarre How bizarre" I turned to look at her because I heard her singing "Papa's On Papa's On".

HAHAHA.

That is all.





P.S. There is a website dedicated to misheard lyrics. It's called "Kiss This Guy"

P.P.S I know she is going to comment with a rebuttal about the time I watched the move "The People vs Larry Flynt. And that's fine. This is still funnier.

That's What She Said

It was Michael Scott's last episode on "The Office" tonight. Though I feel the chemistry of the entire show was on the decline (It's because Jim and Pam finally got together) I was sad to see Steve Carrell leave the show. I think Michael Scott was one of the best characters created in sitcom history. The show has made me laugh time after time and I will miss him.

Favourite of the Day: I spent a nice afternooon with my little buddy Ollie. His giggle lights up a room.

And also: La-Z-Boys.

Reading Rainbow - April 2011

I just finished this book and I loved it. I love memoirs and this one is a must read. Consider yourself forewarned that it is heavy and dark. It covers death, rape, drug addiction, alcoholism, prostitution, homelessness, gangs, abuse......everything. It is completely raw and honest.

One woman experienced this all and came out of it a lawyer. A freakin lawyer!! Unreal. If this doesn't inspire people that they can change their lives - nothing will.

Cupcake Brown (yes, her real name) is also a motivational speaker. You can read more about her on her website.

But really - just read the book. K?




Favourite of the Day: This is my new nephew Oscar.
He is a 4 month old Australian Sheperd. How cute is he?

Oh Boy

Recently, I inappropriately used the term 'balls' (yes, those balls) in front of 3 year old Damian. Not 5 minutes later does he say it, of course. Thankfully, his quick-thinking mother convinced him I was talking about soccer balls.

It was the reminder I needed that kids are listening to you, even when you don't think they are.

This made me think of something hilarious my niece said years ago. Avery had (and still has) a really long tongue. My sister made jokes about this. So really, we should not have been the least bit surprised when Avery told a complete stranger that she was Gene Simmons love child.

This still makes me laugh so hard my belly shakes.

Avery & I at a rodeo in Michigan, showing off our Snow Cone tongues.

Can this be the next Oscar winning film?

I think I've found my calling. Finding awesome news articles. As a follow up to the vagical tale I last discovered, I just found this one about a swan finding love after a drunk guy murdered his girlfriend.

I felt like I was part of a skit on SNL or Kids in the Hall when I read this. The fact that someone beat a swan to death is not funny. At all. But a swan love story kind of is.

Perhaps it's just the way the article is written that amuses me. The references to the tag numbers on their legs. The fact that these swans have names like "Lacey, Angela and Nick" and that someone is monitoring them and who they date. Above all, it simply reminds of me of Adam Sandler making swan references on my beloved Billy Madison, circa 1996.

Also, I would like to know more about this drunk guy on a bender. Imagine waking up in the morning and realizing you murdered a swan? Frig. What the hell is wrong with people?

All jokes aside, I am happy Nick and Lacey found each other. May their days in the barnyard be filled with love and happiness.

Check it out:

Swan finds love after drunk man killed mate
By Laura Cudworth, QMI Agency

STRATFORD, Ontario. -- After losing his mate and offspring to a young man on a bender last season, it looks as though Nick the swan might be on his way to finding love again.

Nick lost his mate Angela and offspring last season when a young man on a bender killed Angela and destroyed her eggs. Nick spent the rest of the summer swimming near the nest and keeping to himself.

A young female, leg band number 543, followed him around but Nick wasn't feeling very social.

"He chased her over the dam," said swan volunteer June Kinsman.

Then another female, number 529, followed him and attempted to get close.

"He was having none of it. He chased her over the dam," Kinsman said.

Finally, a young female known as Lacey followed but kept her distance.

"She followed him all autumn and in the barn yard,"Kinsman said.

Over the weekend they busted out of the winter quarters and made their way down to the Avon River.

The winter quarters are close quarters and as spring approaches instincts to mate kick in and the cobs can get feisty.

"We have at least five mating pairs in the winter quarters and things are getting really aggressive in there," said Quin Malott, manager of forestry and parks.

Nick and Lacey can't fly but a five-foot wingspan and a bit of wind is enough to lift them over the fence, especially when they're being chased by another swan.

"They have been courting so we're going to leave them out there. There's a lot of open water and we're going to feed them," Malott said.

Nick has led Lacey back to the area of the old nesting site but no one knows what might come of it.

Regardless, watching him connect with another swan is encouraging and shows it's possible to get back up after a sad event, Malott suggested.

"It's a happy ending to a tragic story."






Favourite of the Day: My new iPhone. It's simply amazing. I tweeted to @SomethingGirl yesterday: "I want to make sweet sweet love to it" She replied "I'm sure there's an app for that". No doubt there is.

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This Conversation Never Gets Old:

Me: Ma, Turn on your cell phone. I can never get a hold of you.

My Mother: I know, I know. But it has no juice. I keep forgetting to give it a boost.

Avery: Nana - It's called CHARGING.

My Mother: Charge. Juice. Boost. Whatever. It's all the same thing.


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Items to Note....

(1) I really like comments. Good or bad. Disagree or agree. They excite me. There's even an option to be anonymous for all you shy birds out there. Just wanted you all to know that. K?

(2) I added an option to subscribe. You can click the link over there on the right and get email notifications of new posts. I have no idea if anyone would actually want this, but I'm just playing around on here. I'll give it a go, test the waters.

(3) I also added a link to the left. It lists the book I'm currently reading. I hope it encourages discussion. Do you like that book, hate it? Let me know.

I'll take Perspective for $200, Alex.

I had a terrible day today. Actually - it's still going. Still terrible.

When I lost a friend awhile back, I promised myself I would appreciate the small things.

Tonight I watched Jeopardy with my Grandma. That shouldn't go unnoticed. And it hasn't.

This is me, being optimistic.

A Vagical Tale

I cannot stop laughing. I am very tired and giddy. There is a blizzard outside and I'm avoiding putting the garbage out. Let me tell ya - I am a wicked procrastinator and it allowed me to stumble upon the news article below.

I would propose this woman get a lesser sentence in light of the fact that she has a magical vagina. Which, at this exact moment allowed me to invent the word "vagical".

Read the article below - then I shall discuss afterwards:
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March 20, 2011
Woman hides heroin, cash in vagina

A Pennsylvania woman who crashed her car after burglarizing a local inn had a sizable stash of drugs and cash hidden in her vagina.

According to a report in the Scranton Times-Tribune, police were called to the scene of a car crash on March 13 where Karin Mackaliunas was arrested for suspicion of theft.

During a search, police found three bags of heroin in her jacket. While police escorted the woman to the station, officers noticed her fidgeting in the back seat.

She then told police that she had hidden more drugs in her vagina.

A doctor who performed a search removed: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, eight prescription pills and $51.22 in cash and change.

Mackaliunas was charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of possession of a controlled substance.
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I have many thoughts about this:

1) How did she get all that in there? You think she had help?

2) Do you think she was walking funny?

3) With all that stuff jammed in there, she decides THAT would be a good time to burglarize a local inn? What on earth goes on in Pennsylvannia?

4) I really like the use of the word "sizable" in the article. It was a 'sizable' amount of drugs.

5) Since this was posted in the Scranton times, I sincerely hope this gets referenced on 'The Office'. By Meredith, obviously.

6) Was the $0.22 necessary? She couldn't just take the cash and leave two dimes and two pennies behind?

7) Do you think you get a discount on heroin if it came from the lady garden? I should hope so. Or maybe it's actually the opposite and there's a mark up in price.

Okay, I'm talking pure nonsense now. I need to go to bed. Oh - one more thing - like a creepy person, I just looked up this woman on Facebook. Found her profile. You can see her profile picture. By just looking at her face, you'd never guess she was vagical.

Update

Last night the 'guy from the yellow team' I previously mentioned got yet another penalty. This time, however, he calmly exited and shut the door with the grace of mother trying not to wake a baby.

I smiled. Did he read my blog or was it my condescending glare?

By the end of the game I knew it was neither, but I will say he made me laugh out loud when he replied to a guy who said "you're in the box AGAIN?" with this:

"Well, what do you expect when you have refs who squat to piss."



*note: Both refs were male

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The Ketchup Junkie

I have never met either of my Grandfathers. They both passed away either before or just after I was born. I don't know the exact dates to be honest. I had a great uncle who took over the grandfather role in my life. He was my Uncle Lindo and he was awesome. He took us for rides on his motorcycle. He would pinch our cheeks and say "bella bella" and sneak us money every time he saw us. He always gave my brother more money than my sister and I because 'he was a boy'. He was old-school Italian and that's just the way it was. It still makes us laugh.

In his final years, he lost his marbles a bit. He would go to the mall every day and steal stuff. Not actual merchandise and he was by no means a criminal, but he stole things like napkins, straws, little packets of honey. He was a condiment hoarder. When we would visit we would see piles and piles of his food court treasures and he was more than happy to share them with us.

Where am I going with this? Well, this morning my sister and her husband left for Cuba. Awhile back I told her that when I went to Cuba, two things were noticeably absent from their cuisine; ketchup and peanut butter. While they did have some sort of disgusting ketchup imported from China, it was no Heinz, that's for sure. She is a ketchup junkie and I knew she would miss it as much, if not more than I did.

A few days ago I got this email from her:

"I went to McDonalds for lunch today so I could get some more ketchup packets. I have 14 now. I'll go one more time this week to get a few more. That should last me a week in Cuba. Now I just need to go somewhere for breakfast so I can get some peanut butter....."

I told her how much that made me laugh and she replied: "I know. How very Uncle Lindo of me".

No doubt. I bet he's doing cartwheels in heaven right now.



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2 Minutes for Over Analyzing

I previously confessed to judging people. Last night I thought of yet another way in which I judge. It relates to getting penalties in hockey. Now, I would be the pot calling the kettle black if I judged people for actually getting penalties - I'm not. I'm judging people on whether or not they shut the door at the end of a penalty.

I know that sounds absurd*. But I think it says a lot about one's mentality. Some people get out of the box, quickly pull the door shut and skate away. Some people carefully shut the door then double check its security to ensure it's safely closed. Then there are the people that leave the door wide open and skate away. (These are the ones I'm judging). They don't give a second thought to it. Someone else's problem. Someone else will take care of it. I would say 99.9% of the time - these are the same goon's screaming at the ref's and yelling obscenities to the guys on the other team.

I'm not a gambler but I would bet money that these are the same guys who put empty milk cartons back in the fridge and leave the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom.

(Ya, guy on the yellow team - I'm talking about you.)



*Please keep in mind I spend many hours in the booth by myself.


Favourite of the Day: Marcie Runkel. She is hilarious.

Back to the Future

If Alexa stole your heart a few weeks back, check her out here singing Alicia Key's song, Unthinkable.

I can't get enough of this kid.

If you're thinking "why does Sara keep posting these videos? Enough already".... get off my blog. I don't want you here. Just kidding. No wait - I'm not. Get outta here.



Favourite of the Day: Banana Cheesecake Recipes. If I wrote this blog tomorrow, my favourite would be making banana cheesecakes. But I'm not Marty McFly, so this will have to do for now.

Walkin in a Winter Wonderland

My cousin Lisa got married last weekend. She envisioned a winter wedding and planned it to perfection. Every detail was thought out and it was beautiful. I would bet however, that she did not plan for her wedding cake to end up smashed on the floor. But it did. And it was awesome.

Why do I think it was awesome? For two reasons. First - because she laughed it off and embraced the situation. They had already taken pictures with the photographer and people were dancing and having an awesome time. In the grand scheme of things, a cake on the floor is nothing to freak out about. She and her new husband even took hilarious pictures pretending to eat the cake off the floor. Don't sweat the small stuff, right?

Secondly, and more importantly, I think it's awesome because it is a life lesson. For me, anyway. A reminder that you can plan things and envision the way you think things are supposed to happen but it may not always work out the way you had hoped. And that's okay. I know I had an idea of how my life would turn out and where things would lead. I had a vision, you could say. But that didn't happen. And that doesn't mean I think it's a bad thing. Well, don't get me wrong, I have my bad days - but I think it is a reminder that new paths can be exciting and memorable. New paths may lead you to exactly where you are meant to be.

Here's to hoping, anyway.

(Quite the analogy for a little icing on the floor, right? I know. What can I say? I'm deep)

Here's the cake on the floor. My favourite part? The photographer did it.

How hilarious is that? Don't let his brief clumsiness sway your perspective, though. Not only is Curt a cool guy, but he is a wickedly talented photographer. You need to click here to see his stunning picture of Scott and Lisa in their winter wonderland.

Favourite of the Day: The boner of all boners was pulled today. I can't even write publicly about it. If my life were a book, this day would be quoted by someone famous on the back cover. Probably Sarah Silverman or Jimmy Fallon.

The Napkin

Last week I went on a girl date with my very pregnant friend Amy. It was six days prior to her due date and we decided to go for dinner and a movie. She had been having mild contractions off and on for quite some time, so neither of us were alarmed when she had one during dinner. As we ate, she commented on another contraction - this one a little more intense. Soon followed by another one. Uh oh. I commented that they seemed fairly close together - she agreed. I quickly grabbed a pen to keep track of them. They were getting intense. She was red faced and holding her breath. I figured it was time to go home. We would skip the movie and call her husband.

She agreed - but insisted we stay a bit longer to eat cheesecake first. (hilarious)

I saved the napkin from the restaurant. I thought it would be a good keepsake for her to have to for the baby's birth story. No need though - it was a false alarm. The contractions stopped. No baby birth that day. Which worked out I guess. We ate yummy cheesecake and enjoyed a cute movie.

The little guy wasn't ready to make his debut into the world.....until TODAY!! He arrived just after midnight. If it's possible to be both ecstatic and devastated at the same time - that is what I'm feeling right now. I am so happy for Amy and her family and I have been anxiously awaiting his arrival. However, as luck would have it - it appears I've developed my millionth case of strep throat so I won't be able to see him for awhile. This pisses me right off.

But I am thankful we live in this wonderful world of technology that enabled me to see a picture of him within a few short hours of his arrival. He is perfect. Just now I saw a picture of Amy holding him, introducing him to his big brother for the first time. The boys were holding hands and my heart melted a little bit. I love these boys and one of them I haven't even met yet.

Welcome Daxton. I can't wait to watch you learn and grow.

Favourite of the Day: I am dog-sitting Eddie for the weekend. He belongs to one of the kids I coach. He is currently curled up on the couch beside me, farting up a storm. But he's cute and cuddly, so I'm holding my breath and enjoying his company. I don't want him to feel embarrassed...we just met after all.

To Infinity and Beyond

I used to be a very nostalgic person. I saved bouquets of flowers from weddings I have stood up in. I saved shells from my first trip to Florida and sand from Cuba. I had acorns from Emmilia’s wedding and the collars of my dead cats. The list goes on. I saved everything I thought held sentimental value.

Then I started watching Hoarders. Witnessing the wild array of filth and chaos these people live in makes my skin crawl. It makes me want to throw out everything in sight and clean my house from top to bottom.

Now I have an appreciation for de-cluttering and simplicity. “Stuff” is becoming less important to me and I value photos and memories more. I don’t need dried roses from a wedding to remind me of the wedding. I really loved my cat Steve but keeping his collar does not change that in any way. (In fact, it just makes it worse when I accidentally stumble upon it and remember that he’s gone.)

I have embarked on a massive spring cleaning project. Well, considering it was -20C yesterday I may be premature in saying it is spring. But since I moved into my house 7 years ago, I had yet to go through many boxes and piles of things I have hidden away. Until yesterday, that is. After 528,876 trips up and down my stairs I have successfully gone through everything. I have made piles of things to be donated, things for the dump and a small pile of things to keep (yay!).

I did decide to keep select memorabilia from my past. I was careful in choosing what I kept and what was not needed. (I do have a soul, despite my eagerness to clean right now).

There was only one item I struggled with. On Christmas morning 1988 I was given a stuffed dog I named Dumby (I don’t know why). He was blue, satin and just all around cozy. I slept with him every night until I moved out 14 years later. I brought him with me to my new house, but retired him to the basement. By then he was ratty, discoloured and torn. Yesterday I decided his day was finally done. I brought him to the dump and casually threw him in the bin with the rest of the garbage. I started to walk away when I happened to look back and saw him lying there. For an instant my heart skipped. He was lying amidst piles of broken glass and useless crap and I felt sad. I put a lot of love into that guy and he gave me love right back. I just recently watched Toy Story 3 and thought of Andy moving on to College and leaving Woody behind in a closed up box. Toy Story 3 was surprisingly emotional and a good example of how a plain old cowboy can grow to be far more than a simple toy. Andy knew it was time for him to move on and so did I. But Andy didn’t throw Woody into piles of broken glass, did he.

I’m such a jerk.

Tighty-Whiteys

I got this book for my birthday from Jane. Why is Jane buying me a children's book? Because it's awesome - that's why. When first reading the book I laughed and thought it was cute.

Further thought revealed how dark and twisted it really is. Allow me to share.

**SPOILER ALERT**.
Do not continue reading if you don't want to know what happens in
Bear in Underwear.

The book starts off with the main character, Bear. He's playing Hide and Seek with his friends. But no one finds him and he's left stranded in the woods. First and foremost - Bear's friends suck at Hide and Seek. He was only hiding behind a tree. Secondly, he clearly needs to find new friends. They can't just leave him out the woods. Geez.

On his walk back home he finds a back pack. So he takes it. Way to promote theft, Bear.

He eventually finds his friends and they pump him up to snoop in the backpack. Again - nice friends.

What's in the backpack? Underwear. All different shapes and colours. Tons of them. Why on earth would someone just fill a back pack with underwear? I can only conclude a pimp or stripper would be toting such a thing around.

So what does Bear decide to do? Try them ALL on and parade around for his friends. Like a twisted episode of "Say Yes to the Dress", he finally stops when they all agree what pair look best on him.

End of story? Nope. His friends then take the leftover underwear for themselves and they all appear to have a pantie party in the forest.

Hats off to the author, Todd Doodler, for writing possibly the funniest children's book ever.

P.S. Bear chose to go with the tighty-whitey's, which were my personal fave as well.






Favourite of the Day: Twitter. I know a lot of people don't 'get' Twitter. But it makes me smile every single day. Yesterday @MrsRupertPupkin had me laughing with this one: "My cat tried to knock my tv on the ground this morning. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?!!"

Someday, she'll whistle.

I cannot stop watching this video. Imagine having a kid this awesome?? And don't even get me started on how sweet the dad is. I have too many adjectives flying through my head to express my thoughts.

I love the moment at 1:04 when she looks up at him and smiles.

This video makes me want to shoot babies of out of my uterus. For real.



Jorge and Alexa Narvaez, singing "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Find them on their fan page here.